Page 47 of All's Fair in Love & Chaos
“Why don’t we try to let go a little. You want a mimosa?”
A drink doesn’t sound half terrible, and I’ve never had a mimosa. I give her a genuine smile. She’s trying. “Sure, that sounds good.”
Kinsey picks up her phone and sends off a text message. I laugh under my breath. I couldn’t imagine just sending a text to someone and having them fetch something for me. We sit in silence, looking out at the beautiful Washington skyline. It’s peaceful, and something, I realize, I haven’t experienced in a long, long time. For as long as I can remember, I’ve had to be on the go. Working, studying, stressing. There hasn’t been a lot of time for sitting in silence and being present in nature.
Willow loved being outside, basking in the sunshine, roaming the beaches when we’d take trips to La Push. I tolerated it because it made her so happy, and now it only reminds me of what I’ve lost.
Heavy footsteps break through the quiet, Kinsey’s face lighting up in a smile as Rogue slides the glass door open and steps out with two drinks in his hand.
“Sweetheart, you wanted these?”
“Thank you, baby. We appreciate it,” she says sweetly. He bends at the waist, dropping a sickly-sweet kiss to her forehead. I can’t help but smile at the ease of affection they have with each other.
Rogue walks away, closing the door behind him with an audible click, while Kinsey turns in her seat to face me more directly.
“How long have you two been together?”
“A little over a year. It’s been a whirlwind, honestly, and the only easy part about it was what we have with each other. How’s it going with Camden?” Her question causes me to pause, pulling my lip between my teeth and gnawing on it, an image of us dry humping this morning flashing behind my eyes.
“It’s not really going anywhere. I don’t know, it’s really complicated. I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, try me. I’m a good listener. My brothers went through some serious shit to find their partners, and I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it all. Not a lot can shock me. Plus, it may help to talk it through?”
“He’s responsible for the car accident that killed my parents and my sister.” I watch as Kinsey’s soft, welcoming features pale, sadness filling her eyes.
“Jesus Christ,Saige. I’m so sorry.”
“How can I ever move past that? Even if it were an accident, even if he tried to save them, every time I’m with him and my guard is down, guilt creeps in after.
“I can’t imagine how your loyalty is torn. I don’t envy your position. Does he make you happy?”
Does he? We haven’t had an opportunity to find out if we make each other happy. He makes me feel powerful and strong, and I love that he’s not threatened by those qualities when so many other men are. I feel this magnetism toward him that crackles like a growing fire whenever we’re close. He makes me feel beautiful, cherished, cared for, and protected, even though those things are so foreign to me. But does he make me happy? Do those things equate to happiness?
“I can see you’re feeling some kind of way about him based on the look on your face.”
“I definitely feel some sort of way about him, yeah. That’s a good way to put it.” I pick up my mimosa, taking a sip from it, and smiling as the cool liquid spreads over my taste buds. It’s bubbly and tart, but refreshingly good. “This is great, thank you.”
“Do you know what you’re going to do? After it’s safe for you to leave here?”
“Honestly? No. I can’t imagine staying. My family must be rolling over in their graves at my behavior. I know I’m a massive disappointment.”
“Oh, god, don’t talk about yourself like that. I obviously didn’t get the pleasure of meeting them, but I’d like to think that your family would want you to be happy, and if you’ve found love, they’d rest easy. We’re human. Beautifullyflawed. All of us a little broken. I used to be so scared of how my family would react when they found out about me and Reid.”
“Reid?”
“Rogue. Sometimes I forget everyone here only calls him that. He’s my brother Sawyer’s best friend. Close to all four of them, actually. I’m the baby.”
“Oof. Now I don’t envy you.”
“Yeah. It comes with so much love, it’s suffocating. But at the end of the day, they want me to be happy. And that’s with Reid . . . Rogue. Once I fell in love with him, nothing else mattered to me but us.”
“And if your family disagreed?”
“I’d have walked away from them, even threatened them with that at one point. It would have destroyed me, don’t get me wrong. But losing him,” she continues as she nods her head in her man’s direction, “it would have killed me.”
Killed her. Can love really be that deep? I survived losing my entire family, but if I walked away from Camden for good, would it kill me? I don’t think it would. But maybe love is different for everyone. Maybe it’s a choice. What would it be like for me to choose to put my vendetta to the side, to let Camden love me the way he so badly wants to? Choose him. Choose myself. To no longer live in the shadow I’ve cast over myself, where my only reason for living is revenge . . . I can’t even imagine what that would be like.
“He doesn’t let people in.” I look back at Kinsey as her words pull me from my own thoughts. “Camden.”
