Page 8 of A Dead Girl's Guide to Living
“A year ago, we weren’t quite sure we’d be standing here today,” he murmured, his voice turning somber. A quiet wave of exhalations spread through the room. Hands clutched pearls and brooches, small, sad smiles shot my way.
They were mourning me.
Even though I was still here.
What would have happened if I had died?
Would today be a memorial instead of a birthday? Or would my parents have retreated into themselves? Would this house still be filled with overflowing bodies and laughter, or would it have been cold, stark, silent?
Would Thomas have come home from whatever country he was fighting other people’s wars in?
“But our Ellis is here.”
My father’s voice snapped me back to the moment, and I blinked at him as he gestured me over. My legs moved automatically, carrying me across the room, weaving through the bodies of my family. A small smile settled on my face as they beamed at me, patting my back as I passed, like I was some kind of blessing.
Some sort of chosen one.
As soon as I reached my parents, they wedged me between them, my father raising his glass.
“Our Ellis,” he declared, his voice thick with emotion. “A survivor. The strongest person I know. I have seen this woman pushed to the brink and come back even stronger. Ellis, you’re our miracle, and we are so proud of you.”
Tears burned in my eyes at his words, and I desperately wanted to soak up whatever he was feeling, to experience it for myself.
But there was nothing.
Just a bleak void of dead emotion.
Relatives wiped their eyes, and my mother beamed.
“Happy birthday, darling,” she announced.
Glasses raised and clinked, and my mother pulled me into a hug as everyone drank.
Over her shoulder, my eyes met Thomas’s.
The weight in my chest suddenly felt ten times heavier.
I stoodin the silence of the kitchen, my hands braced on the counter as I stared out the window into the yard.
The full moon hung high in the sky, a perfect white orb glowing against the darkness. Its light bathed the yard below,casting everything in a silvery sheen, as if choosing to shine its favor on our house tonight.
“To Ellis, the girl who defied the odds!”
“The girl who is meant to be here!”
“With a bright future ahead of her. Filled with love, adventure, and possibility!”
The toasts and words echoed in my mind like a relentless drumbeat, looping over and over, until I had to grip the counter just to steady myself, as if it were the only thing keeping me tied down to the earth.
Because right now, a part of me wanted to float away. I just wanted to slip free of the weight of all these expectations suddenly pressing down on my shoulders.
Because what if they were wrong?
What if I wasn’t meant to be here at all?
What if I was just lucky?
I didn’t know how to live up to this.
