Page 4 of A Dead Girl's Guide to Living
Dr. Mason smiled slightly. “How long did that last?”
“Long enough to give me a false sense of hope,” I muttered darkly, folding my arms. “I was in and out of the hospital constantly by the time I was seventeen. My heart function just kept getting worse, and the people around me… God, it was wearing down on all of us.”
I swallowed the rising lump in my throat, the image of Alexis flashing through my mind before I hurriedly cast her out.
Not today.
“I went on the transplant list at eighteen,” I murmured, my stomach twisting. “I was dying by nineteen, and I got my Hail Mary at twenty. They found a match at the last hour. It was like aGrey’s Anatomyepisode. You wouldn’t have believed that shit was happening in real life.”
Dr. Mason smiled and leaned back in her chair. “So, you got your third chance at life.”
I said nothing, giving a noncommittal shrug.
I watched as Dr. Mason set down her pen and regarded me carefully before she said, “What about dating?”
I blanched. “What?”
“Dating. Friendships.” She leaned back in her chair. “You’re twenty-one today. You haven’t been with anyone—correct me if I’m wrong—since that girl Alexis you mentioned in your earlier sessions, and that was when you were sixteen.”
Alexis. I ached.
“Have you thought about the possibility of meeting someone?” she asked. “Forming relationships? Making some friends?”
A sharp, humorless laugh left me. “Oh yeah, because nothing screams ‘girlfriend material’ quite like chronic health issues and an impending end date.”
Her small smile irked me.
“So that’s just been completely written off, then?”
I moved my eyes to the ceiling and shrugged. “It’s just not an option.”
“Why?”
My jaw clenched. “I know how it ends.”
Dr. Mason was silent for only a moment before her voice softened. “You think it’s selfish.”
“Itisselfish,” I argued, rubbing the back of my neck. “I don’t want to drag someone into my pathetic soap opera of a life only to wreck them later. Why would I put someone through that? Letting them fall in love with me just so I can—”
I cut myself off, my throat tightening.
I didn’t need to finish the sentence. The final word hung between us both.
“You think you don’t deserve love, Ellis?” Dr. Mason asked.
“I think there’s an innocent woman out there who doesn’t need me coming in and messing up her life,” I told her, my stomach twisting once more.
“Is that what you think you did to Alexis?” she asked.
Hearing her name jarred me. My eyes snapped to Dr. Mason.
“Do you think you messed up her life?”
The air in the room thickened, my palms sweating. I licked my dry lips and shook my head, glancing at the clock on the wall.
“I’m not talking about her.”
Dr. Mason studied me, unblinking. I knew she wanted to push the subject, but we had five minutes left. No, she wouldn’t press it now, but she’d sit on it. This was a teaser for our next session, and I cringed inwardly.
