Page 63 of Riding Pine
“If I take a bath, will you sit with me?”
“Yeah, babe. Whatever you need.”
And long before the water is drawn and Ben dumps his own Epsom salts in—rose-scented, I notice—I know I’m falling in love.
eighteen
Ben
“Ican’t believe we’re doing this,” I say as I survey all the boxes. This apartment might be small, but it sure holds a lot of stuff.
James leans against the counter, taking a break from packing up the kitchen. “It’s time we both stepped up and started being proper adults with real relationships, don’t you think?”
“Yeah…you’re right. I still don’t like it. Well, I do, but it’s just…different.”
Once Lukas got back and we started a routine at his place, it grew harder to come back to the apartment between stays with him. Even when he was away playing, I felt better at his place. Which was telling and something I didn’t want to overthink, so I packed the rest of my stuff and moved in. Leaving James still feels weird though.
“Of course it’s different.” He turns back to wrapping the dishes. “But I’m excited about this, Ben. I didn’t think I’d meet someone who would understand me like Brandon. It feels like it was meant to be.”
After taping another box together for him, I place it on the table and lean on the counter next to James. “I get it. You’ll never hear me repeat this, but Lukas is the same. There’s just this whole…vibe we have.”
We pack in silence for a while, and it really hits me that I’ve made this giant, life-important decision. My circus days were fun. Parties and sleeping until noon. Brunches and more parties. I wouldn’t call any of it serious. I loved what I did, but a part of me knew it wouldn’t be forever.
Even knowing that, this feels like my most adult decision, and I’ve already opened a yoga studio. Somehow, sharing a sock drawer with another man ranks above opening a business on the maturity scale in my brain.
“It’s gonna work out, Ben.” James beams a smile my way. “We’re doing this, and it’s gonna be awesome.”
“And if it doesn’t work, can I crash at your place again?”
James huffs and looks at me. “You can always count on me, Ben. I’ll be there for you, but I know you don’t need it. When can we arrange a dinner date and have our guys meet properly?”
With a groan, I shove more packing paper around the dishes. “It’s hard enough getting the two of us together, let alone another couple. But let me check with him. I’d love to know Brandon better, too.”
And just like that, we stop the serious chatter and talk instead about the book he’s writing, Brandon’s dog, and farm life. He tells me about the nook he has for writing in the farmhouse, and I tell him about the nap-time classes I’m considering adding to the studio for the working moms.
“Oh my god, that’s brilliant, Ben! I bet it will be a hit.”
“Yeah.” I nod and smile. “I think so too.”
As we finish packing up the apartment that was more James’s than mine, it no longer feels like an ending.
But a new chapter in a story that, for once, might end how I want it to.
After carrying in the last box of my things to Lukas’s, well, our apartment, I grab his schedule off the fridge to make sure I’m not missing anything in my calendar.
He returns home tomorrow and has an extended home game run of five games in nine days. On game days, I practice my routine in the studio in the afternoon before joining Lukas for a pregame nap. Pregame naps are my favourite times. We just snuggle andsleep, and it’s so, I don’t know…healthy? I never miss a pregame nap, that’s for sure.
Lukas goes to the rink, and I stay home, eating dinner on my own before heading to the rink and dressing thirty minutes before puck drop. It’s not ideal, but we’re settling in, and before you know it, the season will be over, and we can stop all the sneaking around.
I send off a text to James with two dates that might work for us over the next month and then start unpacking. But only after I water the plants and send a silly photo to Lukas, this time with my clothes on.
After unpacking a box, I change my mind, strip down and send him one smiling naked in front of the succulent plant.
Ben:I couldn’t resist. Can’t wait to see you.
Satisfied with my photo, I redress and head out the door to pick up the dry-cleaning and my mascot suit.
Meeting Lukas at the team bus is my favourite thing.
