Page 55 of Riding Pine
Five more days will feel like five years.
sixteen
Ben
James has had his own life running like a top while I’ve been having a life crisis. We haven’t had a guys’ night in what feels like forever, and I needed this.
James pushes the container of sweet-and-sour chicken my way. Our Chinese food sits in various containers across the coffee table, and we’re eating directly from the containers. It’s a habit we developed when neither of us wanted to do dishes, and it’s justnever left.
“So…you’re still seeing Brandon?”
James nods and sets his dish aside. “Yeah, he, ah…asked me to move in with him.”
“What!” My mouth drops open as he nods. “James, I’m so happy for you!” He beams a smile at me, and I truly am happy. He deserves someone in his life to treat him like the gem that he is.
“Thanks, Ben. But I told him I’d think about it. I can’t leave until you get settled.” He holds up a hand when I open my mouth. “And before you protest, I already spoke to Brandon about it, and he agrees. He doesn’t want to put stress on you.”
“You can’t put your life on hold for me. Say yes. I’ll figure it out.” No way in hell am I letting my best friend pass up happiness because I haven’t found a place of my own and keep living on his couch like it’s college. “Could I just take over this lease?”
James shakes his head. “I asked if I could sublet, and it’s specifically in the lease that I can’t. When I give notice, they’ll need a new lease, and the rent will go up too. They have renovations planned.”
“Of course it couldn’t be that easy,” I huff.
“We’ve got time to figure it out. Don’t stress it.”
Reaching for the container of noodles, I let this information from James sink in and share with him what’s been going on with me.
“I’ve been spending a lot of time with Lukas, as you know.”
“I know.” He grins and picks up the beef and broccoli.
“Is it…Do you think we’re both moving too fast? You met Brandon at the same time I met Lukas. Does it feel weird to be moving in and having…feelings?”
James munches and cocks his head as he considers. “No. Not to me. I know myself, and I trust my gut. It may be quick, but I’ve never connected to anyone like I have with Brandon. Things don’t have time limits for me. If it feels right, then it’s right.”
I’ve never thought of it that way. Mind you, I’ve never really given myself a chance to examine feelings or even form them. I moved on, or the other person moved on, and nothing ever lasted. I didn’t dwell on it. It was just the way it happened.
But Lukas has been different since I met him upside down in the bar. Not a single thing about our relationship has been like any other I’ve had. We’re progressing the same way we met—upside down and backwards. The attraction, sex, dates, and the way I miss him fiercely now that he’s on the road all seem out of order to form an actual relationship.
“Lukas asked me to stay before he left on this road trip. He asked me to water his plants and said I could stay there if I wanted. Then we had the most tender and mind-blowing sex. He ran me a bath after, James. A fucking bath.” I shouldn’t be so stuck on that, but it was the way he went about it that just made me feel like I was special. “I joked, of course, and asked him if he wanted something, and all he said was for me to stay.”
Just one simple sentence delivered in a way that felt more like a confession than a request. He was simply stating what he wanted because I asked, and his answer left me speechless.
“You like him more than you thought, don’t you? The speed of the connection has taken you by surprise, and you doubt whether it’s real. Maybe you’re not taking enough time to weigh the pros and cons?”
He’s not my best friend for nothing.
“You know me so well.” I poke at the dish of mixed vegetables. “I want to say yes, but part of me thinks it’s just infatuation with someone new or the great sex. How can I feel so much for him in such a short time? How do I know he won’t get bored?”
James raises an eyebrow and steals the mixed vegetables from me. He stabs a carrot before handing the dish back. “You aren’t even close to being boring to Ben, and you need to trust him, too. He’s taking a huge leap by asking you to stay. He might even have the same questions himself.”
I trust Lukas. He’s so genuine, and his teammates look up to him. I’ve only met a few of them, but there’s nothing but respect for him. He’s a good man, even if he punches people on the ice sometimes. Honestly, don’t we all wish we could punch the people we work with some days? He’s living the dream.
He loves plants, for god’s sake, and sentimental stuff that I’d normally scoff at. Lukas is not a bad guy. In fact, he’s so good I know he fits my life in the best way.
“I think I could fall for him,” I say before shoving a piece of chicken in my mouth.
James smiles. “I know you can, and if you feel like you’re on the edge, then fall, Ben. Fall fucking hard, and if he catches you, the reward will be the best damn feeling.”
