Page 146 of Moonlit Nights & Northern Lights
The Christmas party? My stomach plummeted like I’d just stepped off a cliff.
I tried to think back to that night, desperately searching my memory for what I’d said. The party had been brilliant—by the end everyone had been properly pissed, and I’d been blessed with that Christmas cracker joke about vampires, after Priya explicitly told me no vampire jokes in front of Emma. But what had I said about Maxwell?
The sick feeling spread through my chest, cold and creeping.
“What did I say?” The words came out strangled.
Maxwell’s expression was carefully neutral, but I could feel the old hurt radiating from him like an infected wound.
“Whatever it was, I’m so sorry, Maxwell. I’m so, so sorry.”
He watched me with that same careful mask he always wore around Killigrew Street. Professional. Distant. Safe.
“I can feel how much it hurt you, and I just—” My voice faltered. “I’m disgustedwith myself. Properly disgusted.”
The shame was overwhelming, hot and suffocating. How many times had I been cruel without even thinking? How many careless comments had I made, never considering what they might do to him?
“I’m sorry for being such an asshole. Not just that night, but for the last eighteen months. All of it. Every snide comment, every time I’ve been horrible to you, every time I’ve made you feel unwelcome. Every time I called you Detective Dickface.” I swallowed hard. “It’s no wonder you hated me, seriously. I get it.”
Maxwell was quiet for a long moment, his gaze fixed on the dark water. When he finally spoke, his voice was soft.
“I told you before, I neverhatedyou. I just thought you were an immature moron and Seb had hit his head the day he hired you.”
I stared at him. “You’re a bloody saint, do you know that?”
Maxwell barked a laugh. “I’m not entirely innocent.”
“What do you mean? You’ve literally done nothing wrong.”
“What about the whole ‘throwing you in a cell during a full moon’ thing that you’ve brought up every time we’ve met for the last eighteen months?”
My face prickled with heat, shame crawling up my neck. “Yes, well, that was my own fault, though, wasn’t it?”
Maxwell sputter-coughed, damn well nearly choking on his own breath. “Excuse me?”
I picked at the heather beside my knee, unable to meet his eyes. The confession felt like pulling glass from a wound.
“It was easier to blame you, so I did. But obviously it only happened because Dev and I jumped the gun and didn’t wait for Seb to organise sweeping Meridian properly. We went in half-cocked, got ourselves caught, and then I spent eighteen months making you the villain because it was simpler than admitting I’d fucked up.”
Maxwell was staring at me like I’d just told him the moon was made of cheese.
“I didn’t want to say no to Dev,” I continued, the admission tasting bitter. “He had this brilliant plan, and he was so excited about it, and Ijust… I couldn’t bear the thought of disappointing him. Or having him think I was too much of a coward to go through with it. So I said yes, even though every instinct I had was screaming that it was a terrible idea. That it might even cost me my place at Killigrew Street—my new family.”
I finally looked up at Maxwell, whose expression was unreadable.
“But in that moment, I was so desperate for his approval that I went along with it anyway. So then, when it all went tits up, when I found myself locked in a cell during the full moon, it was so much easier to hate you than to admit I’d done it to myself.”
“You know, I almost had a heart attack when I saw you there that night. At Meridian.”
I blinked at him. “What?”
“It was a horrible coincidence. Or maybe a blessed one, I don’t know.” He rubbed his face with both hands. “I was investigating a drug ring operating just down the road from Meridian. We were convinced it must be them who’d broken into the research centre. Anyway, when I saw you…” He shook his head. “It spun me for a loop. Then you used my name, like you knew me. And my officer heard you.”
“Sorry,” I said quickly. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“My career is all I have, Rory.” His voice was quiet, almost defeated. “All I have. I couldn’t have taken any risks that jeopardised that.”
My stomach twisted in knots. “I should never have asked you to.”
