Page 5 of The Pushy Pixies Are Going Down
Miles
Icouldn’t believe Higgins showed up while Winter was here. What the hell had the man been thinking? Why the hell had he come here asking for help with a case?
He knew I didn’t do that anymore, and he knew exactly why.
My entire body stiffened as my heart ached when flashes of dirty blonde hair and sad brown eyes flashed behind my mind’s eye, and the ache in my chest grew deeper.
God, I missed Laney. So fucking much.
Every time I thought about her—the kid I’d fostered five years ago; the kid who’d been killed—the hurt and grief were intense, but even more so, the guilt ate at me like a fucking acid burn.
Her sweet laugh, the one I’d only just started to hear on a regular basis before the shit hit the fan, rang in my ears, and I almost wished I could erase the memory from my brain because it was too painful.
But at the same time, I didn’t want to forget a single thing about the teenager I’d wanted to adopt, the daughter I’d never had.
I missed her profusely, and seeing Higgins tonight opened that wound, tore out all the tiny stitches I’d been sewing around it, in the blink of an eye. That wound would never fully heal, but it’d gone from a gut-deep, burning, bleeding-out mess to something with more of an ache that I could live with.
A constant ache I never forgot, but one that didn’t crumble me like it had in the beginning.
And then he showed up and ruined it all.
This… this was why I’d pulled away. Seeing him was too difficult.
My brain felt like it was spiraling out of control.
I’d lost the one family I’d tried to build—the only true family I’d ever had—five years ago.
And now, here was Winter, trying to date me, trying to build something with me.
What if I lost him too?
I didn’t think I could handle it.
I couldn’t… couldn’t take another loss. I’d never survive it.
If I got any closer to Winter, and something happened, I… I’d be lost out to sea without an anchor.
“Shhh, shh, shh,” Winter suddenly said, pulling me tighter into his arms, locking me there in a strong embrace. “I’ve got you, Miles. I’m right here.”
I hated that he’d noticed I wasn’t asleep, hated that he was seeing me like this. Hated that he’d finally see the broken man I was.
He kissed my temple, and the sweet gesture brought fresh tears to my eyes. “You’re safe, sweetheart.” He kissed me there again, then nuzzled into my hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. The last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. All that’d do was make me a sobbing mess, and despite the fact I was scared of getting any closer to him, I didn’t want to scare Winter away. I was lucky he was still here after everything, especially after last night’s visitor.
“Okay, but I’m here if and when you want to, alright?”
I nodded, unable to use my voice.
“Come here.” He somehow managed to pull me even closer, and I found myself nuzzling into his chest and gripping onto his back like he was the lifeline I needed—he was.
Winter was everything, and I could only hope he’d be patient with me because talking about all that happened five years ago wasn’t going to be easy.
“Shhhh. I’ve got you, sugar butt. I’ve got you.”
I snorted. And regardless of everything else, in that moment, I believed him.
Waking up in Winter’s arms was one of the best feelings in the entire world.
