Page 26 of The Pushy Pixies Are Going Down
I really, really loved all this cuddling.
A guy could get used to this.
God, but should I?
I was loving every minute of Winter’s attention on me, but… but what if he finally got annoyed enough with me or bored with me that he… left.
Then what the hell would I do?
It would wreck me.
Was it better to soak up everything he was giving me now while I still could, or should I be putting a little bit of distance between us so my heart wasn’t ripped out when he left me?
Fuck. I hated feeling like this.
Why couldn’t I just enjoy this?
Why did anxiety always have to take root and hold on to me?
Why couldn’t I just… be in this moment?
I knew some of this anxiety was coming from being at the station today. That hadn’t exactly put me in the right headspace.
Too many memories. Too many bad vibes.
Too many emotions pushed at me from all sides.
And the sad part was… I’d missed some of that. I’d loved being a detective. At least at first. And I’d loved having Higgins as my partner. But too much bad shit had happened, and I couldn’t go back—didn’t want to.
But… I also kind of missed my friend too.
Fuck, my head was all over the place right now.
Winter kissed my hair. “You okay, sugar butt?”
Shaking my head, I rolled my eyes at the name even though he couldn’t see me. Even though I didn’t really want to talk about it, I knew Winter deserved to hear the truth, especially after what’d happened this morning and how accommodating and kind Win had been about it.
I pushed all my anxieties away—for now, I’d soak up anything Winter was willing to give me, and I’d worry about the consequences later. His comfort would help me get through this talk.
After a few seconds, I cleared my throat. “It was… difficult being back at the station today.”
He gave me a squeeze but didn’t say anything.
“I worked as a detective for five years and worked in that building for almost ten.”
“Were you a police officer there before you became a detective?”
“Yep. That’s, uh, where I went after my parents kicked me out—to the police academy, I mean. I joined that August after I graduated high school and kept at it until I became a detective. I was partnered with Higgins right away, so I lucked out, but…” I trailed off, unsure of what else to say. I wasn’t sure I should go into all the whys of my leaving just yet, but I also didn’t want to hide anything from him.
“Did you like it?”
“Huh?” I lifted my head from his shoulder to blink up at him.
For some reason that made him chuckle, and he pressed his lips to mine in a soft peck. “Did you like being a detective?”
My gaze drifted off to the side as I thought about that for a few seconds before I finally said, “I did at first. I actually really loved it. I loved helping people. But once I realized how shady some of my coworkers were—hell, how shitty the entire system was—I started to hate it. And the violence and terrible things I saw people do to each other and to animals and faeries was… hard to take after a while.”
He was quiet for a long moment, but he simply held me tight, not letting me go, keeping me warm and calm in his arms. Finally, he asked, “What department did you work for?”
