Page 12 of Did It Have To Be Gnomes?!
“When you say taken over, you mean…?”
Impossibly, her grimace got more grimace-y. “They’re everywhere. Like… absolutely everywhere. They’re climbing on things, swinging from the rafters in the attic, running around the halls, screaming. They’re not even trying to hide from me anymore. I mean, I’ve never seen anything like it. They’re just—” She shuddered. “They’re taking over, and I feel like every day, a new room is overrun with them.”
It looked like I’d finally met someone who thought gnomes were as creepy as I did. “That sounds like a bad infestation.”
“It is. It’s… it’s a lot.”
“Alright, do you mind if I have a look? Once I see what’s going on, I can make a plan and get you a quote.”
She nodded and stood, waving me out of the room. “You really don’t kill them, right?”
I turned to face her. “I don’t kill them. There’s a sanctuary that’s in part of the Ringshire National Forest where I’ve been taking gnomes for the past few years. I’ll take them there, so they’ll be safe and happy. I promise.”
She looked relieved and placed a hand over her heart. “Thank god. They’re driving me crazy, but they’re still living beings.”
“That they are.” We started walking again.
She shrugged. “Not to mention, they’re kinda cute.”
I grimaced at that, but luckily, she was walking in front of me and didn’t see.
She waved at a closed door at the end of a long hallway. “This room’s the worst, I think, but I’ve seen them all over the whole house.”
I nodded. “Once they’re inside, they’re usually everywhere.”
After a chin dip from her, she slowly pushed the door open. I could hear them before I saw them. From the amount ofmeepscoming from that room, I knew this was going to be the worst gnome infestation I’d ever seen. Especially considering how big the house was.
When I stepped into the doorway, I had to hold in the shudder that wanted to come, and I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming.
Oh my god, they’re everywhere.
She’d been right. They were so bold they didn’t bother hiding from us. They were running around the room, cutting up clothes to make their hats and garments, climbing on the bookshelf, and chattering away.
Slowly, I backed out of the room before they noticed me and attacked.
Not that gnomeseverdid that. Honestly, they’d never attacked me or anyone I knew of—they were peaceful little creepy-crawlies. But my anxieties over them weren’t rational, and they were just so damn freaky.
After I shut the door, I asked, “Can I take a look at the rest of the house?”
“Of course.” She followed me, which was a little annoying, but I was used to clients hovering unnecessarily. “Um… it’s bad, right? Like really bad?”
I didn’t want to lie to her, but I also didn’t want to make her feel bad. “They’ve really made this place their own.” Understatement of the century. “But don’t worry. I’ll get them out for you.”
How the hell one of me was going to capture the hundreds—possibly thousands—of gnomes that were in these walls, I didn’t know.
I’d been thinking about hiring an assistant—and a receptionist—lately, but I hadn’t gotten around to it. So it was just me, and this was a really, really big job, and the longer I was here, the more I realized I couldn’t do it alone.
Maybe I could find someone to help me out. The weekend was coming up in two days, so I could ask someone to do an extra job over it or something. It was a three-day weekend, too, so that should work in my favor since the person would still get their two days off, right? I doubted I’d be able to hire someone who could start within the next few days. But maybe another exterminator was looking for some side work. I’d pay them well.
If only I had someone to ask.
Chapter Four
Winter
“Come on, Goliath, let’s go,” I said to my Great Dane as I headed to the door for our morning run.
I clicked my tongue, and the huge white and gray dog came right over to me. After I snapped his leash to his harness, I opened the door, and we were off. Goliath’s coloring reminded me a little of a dalmatian, except replace the black spots with gray. His chest and front legs were all white, and the gray spots started past his shoulders. Although, he had a few smaller spots on the back of his neck and face, including the one over his left eye.
