Page 11 of Did It Have To Be Gnomes?!
Because I recognized that sound. I knew exactly what creature made it.
I shuddered in horror. “Please don’t be there, please don’t be there, please don’t…”
I sucked in a breath, then quickly twisted the perch to the side so I could get a good look at what was under it.
“Ahhhh!” I screamed the second I saw it.
A gnome.
The gnome looked at me, then let out a scream of its own, its voice high-pitched with terror.
The thing was naked except for the turquoise hat on its head.
Wait. That… that hat looked familiar.
Before I could get a closer look, the thing jumped into my pile of tools, burying itself in them and touching everything with its gross hands and naked ass.
A shudder racked my body, and I grabbed the perch before running away from the gnome and from my truck. After I deposited everything inside, I rushed back to my car to take care of the gnome.
How the hell could an exterminator have a stowaway gnome in their truck?
That sounded like the start of a bad joke.
When I reached my truck, I stared in dismay for a few seconds before diving in. That thing was not going to scare me again. No way. I was prepared this time, and I was going to catch it, put it in a holding cage, then drop it at my regular sanctuary tomorrow.
I pulled out the tools it had dove behind, but it wasn’t there, so with a sigh, I started removing everything… until there was nothing at all left in my truck. There was no sign of the gnome.
It must’ve hopped out when I’d taken everything inside.
What a pain in the ass.
With no patience left, I put everything back in the truck bed, shut it, and locked it up tight. Hopefully that little gross creature had scurried far, far away from me and my house. I shuddered at the thought of it coming inside.Blech.
If it tried, I was sure Odin would eat it. Or possibly the firebird.
That put a smile on my face as I headed inside to set up the perch.
I sighed heavily at the direction my day had gone, shaking my head at myself.
The next day, I was hesitant to leave my house with the firebird out. I hadn’t bought her a larger cage because she wasn’t staying, and those things were expensive. And there was no way I was locking her in that tiny travel cage for the entire day.
So after a lot of contemplation, I put her perch, food, and water, along with a bunch of her toys in my spare bathroom. I also removed the shower curtain, window curtains, and all other flammable items like towels, rugs, and washcloths. Then I locked her inside.
Hopefully, she’d be okay in there. As I left the house, Odin scratched constantly at the door, trying to get inside to her. Apparently, he had a new best friend.
They got along so well last night, but I wasn’t about to leave them alone together for the day without supervision. And since I worked for myself, I decided I’d come home for lunch so I could check on them both. It should be fine.
The first job on my list for the day was, of course, a gnome infestation. The house in question was in one of the fancier neighborhoods on the outskirts of the city, so when I arrived, I wasn’t surprised to see a huge-ass mansion in front of me. The driveway even curved around to the front door like I’d seen in the movies. I kinda liked it. It made me feel like I was in an old-timey movie or something, which was silly, but luckily, no one ever had to know where my thoughts went.
When I knocked on the door, an actual butler answered and waved me into a front sitting room—or whatever the hell it was called. I honestly didn’t know, I just knew it was in the front of the house and there were seats.
After only a couple of minutes of waiting, a woman in her early thirties walked in, looking flustered.
“Hi, I’m Martha Cohen. You must be Miles?” She held out her hand to shake, so I stood and obliged.
“That’s me. I hear you have a gnome problem?”
She grimaced and sat down, so I retook my seat as she spoke. “Yes. This house was left vacant for a few months after my father died. There were… legalities that I don’t want to get into, but I’m finally able to move in and fix it up. Unfortunately, the gnomes have sort of… taken over the back half of the house.”
