Page 119 of Light My Fire Three Times
He lets out a laugh before narrowing his eyes at me. “Hey, what’s going on with you? You’re looking like you’ve just had a lump of coal shoved in your stocking. Cold feet about the walk or just the company?”
I rub the back of my neck awkwardly. “I’m fine.”
“Sure, you are, big guy.” Silas steps in closer, nudging me with his elbow, and lowers his voice. “You know, I’m a master of sneaking out of stuff like this. We could head to the tavern now. I’ll grab us a drink, and you can avoid the crowds. I promise I won’t even tell anyone you chickened out.”
I can’t help but roll my eyes. “I’m good, man. Plus, I don’t think Boone and Sadie will let you get away.”
Silas rolls his eyes. “Boone’s little girl really does have me on a leash. Speaking of which…” He points ahead of himself. “She’s calling out to me. I got to go.”
“Yeah, have fun.”
I linger, watching them move down the street, their laughter fading into the crisp night, another close-knit group.
It's easy for them, isn't it? The easy joy of family, the effortless rhythm of celebration. Me? I'm still standing here, stuck in this endless loop of regret.
The world’s moving in slow motion while I’m rooted to this spot, frozen in time with this knot in my chest.
The lanterns flicker softly in a way that should be comforting, but only makes everything feel colder. The festive cheer that fills the air is a cruel joke. Every laugh, every warm glance, reminds me of what I’ve lost.
Or worse, what I never really had.
I push through the crowd, my heart pounding. I don’t know where I’m going, I need to keep moving. The night’s supposed to feel magical, but all I can think about is the distance that’s grown between Olivia and me.
Because of me.
Because of the argument we had.
But nothing could have prepared me for what happened next.
I round a corner, and there they are.
Olivia. Jesse. And Karl, too.
All of them, together, without me.
My entire world slams to a halt. My breath catches in my chest, and for a split second, the air has been sucked out of me.
Olivia laughs, her face lighting up in that way I’ve missed. That genuine, carefree smile I used to get to see every day. The one that was just for me.
She’s standing between Jesse and Karl, her head tilted back in that way she does when she’s really enjoying herself. But it’s not just the laugh that hits me.
It’s the way Karl is standing so close to her. His hand was casually resting on her shoulder. It belongs there.Shebelongs there. I see the way she looks at him, her eyes soft, warm… affectionate.
And I feel it. That gut-wrenching realization that I’ve been stupid.
So stupid.
Why did I let my own temper get the better of me? Why did I have to act like such an asshole? Why did I have to fuck everything up so now I’m here and they are over there?
I watch them move through the crowd, a tight knot forming in my chest with every step they take.
Olivia’s laughter is a knife in my gut.
I’m an outsider. I want to look away, to pretend I didn’t see it, but I can’t.
I’m rooted to the spot, my feet glued to the frozen pavement as they walk further into the crowd. Every step they take away from me is a reminder of what I’ve lost.
But I can’t just let it go. I can’t stand here, paralyzed, watching her walk away, knowing I never even tried to make things right. I made a mess of everything, but I can’t let this be the end of it.
