Page 108 of Fight or Flight
In all the years I’ve been hooking up, Shane is the only person who’s made me feel anything beyond mild interest and just enough physical attraction to get it up.
One thing about both Jax and me is that we’ve never labeled ourselves. People always assumed Jax was straight because, before Myles, he only hooked up with women. And because I’m equal opportunity, everyone assumes I’m bi or pan.
The truth is, we don’t feel attraction or lust like most people. For me, a hole is a hole, and genitals are just plumbing. I’m not particularly attracted to either gender, and sex is just a means to an end. A way to get a dopamine dump and have an O that didn’t come from my own hand.
But that was before Shane, and it’s getting harder to tell myself that the only reason I want him is because it’s fun, or that I’ll get bored with all of this once the novelty wears off.
Shane isn’t just the only person I’ve ever truly wanted—and the only one I’ve ever craved—he’s also the only one whose pleasure matters more than my own. Seeing him come apart as I test his boundaries is next level. And watching him fight his instincts to give in until he’s nothing more than a needy and desperate man who can give as good as he can get is way more satisfying than anything I’ve ever experienced.
He’s also the only person I haven’t had to play a part around, and even though he’ll never admit it, I know I’m one of the only, if nottheonly, person he’s ever fully dropped his mask around too.
And that knowledge is way more exciting than it has any business being.
“This thing between you and him has gone on for over three years,” he says softly. “The fucking around part might be new, but there has to be a reason you haven’t gotten bored with the bickering and fighting after all this time. And like you told me, if he makes you feel something, then maybe that’s worth holding on to.”
“Are you ready to head back?” I ask abruptly.
He nods and wordlessly grabs our hoodies from the branch we draped them over when we started climbing.
He’s not wrong about any of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to admit it to anyone, not even myself.
18
JACE
“I still maintain that I won,”I tell Jax as he taps his ID on the key log sensor on the gate to Hamilton House.
“You didn’t win,” he says in a flat voice.
“I totally won,” I insist. “You just can’t admit it because you’re…” I trail off as the faint but familiar sound of the fire alarm emanates from the house.
We exchange a quick look and wordlessly run toward the main doors.
Less than thirty seconds later, it bangs open, and a stream of our housemates stumble outside.
Bypassing the rapidly gathering crowd in front of the main doors, we make a beeline for the side entrance closest to Killian and Felix’s room.
“Do you see the source?” Jax asks as he scans the side of the building.
“No,” I say just as the door opens and a couple of second-years come rushing outside.
The lack of smoke or any signs of fire from the open doorway tells us that whatever is going on hasn’t made its way over to thisside of the building yet, but considering the entire house is made of wood, that could easily change.
The door swings open again, and several of our housemates, including Killian and Felix, come streaming out of the exit.
“What happened?” I ask as the four of us walk toward the main entrance, and the crowd of guys milling around in front of it.
“No clue,” Killian says.
“Are you guys okay?” Jax asks.
“We’re fine,” Felix says quickly. “We were in our room when the alarm went off.”
“Where’s Shane?” a voice asks behind me.
I immediately whirl around and find Paxton and a few of the guys he hangs out with huddled together a few feet away.
“Shane’s missing?” I ask, my voice way sharper than I mean it to be.
