Page 53 of The Thief
We reach the end of the pier and look out at gray water stretching toward the horizon.
"You need to be careful," Stephen says finally. "If there's a mole in the family, if Trace knows how you feel about her..."
"He'll use it against me."
"Against both of you. He’ll make you choose between saving her and completing the mission."
"I know."
"Do you? Because right now you look like a man who's already made that choice."
Have I? If it came down to it, if I had to choose between revenge for Jer and keeping Alastríona safe, which would I pick?
I don't like the answer that comes to mind.
"I can handle it," I say.
"Can you? Because if you can't, I need to know now. Before we meet Sullivan, before we commit to this plan."
"Why?"
"Because if your head's not in the game, people die. Good people. People who trust us to make the right calls."
He's right. I can't afford to be distracted, can't afford to let emotions cloud my judgment. Too many lives are hanging in the balance.
"My head's fine."
"Is it? Because from where I'm standing, you look like a man who's falling in love."
The words hit like a physical blow. Love... Christ, is that what this is? This constant ache in my chest when she's not around? This need to protect her, to make her smile, to be worthy of the trust she's too scared to give?
"I don't know what I'm feeling," I admit.
"Fair enough. But whatever it is, you need to decide if it's worth dying for. Because that's what we're talking about here. Life and death, not some romantic comedy where everything works out in the end."
True. Our world doesn't have happy endings, just temporary truces between wars.
"She's not just the job anymore," I say quietly.
"I figured as much."
"And I don't know what the fuck to do about it."
Stephen stubs out his cigarette and turns to face me fully. "Want some advice from someone who's been there?"
"Do I have a choice?"
"Stop fighting it. Stop pretending you don't care. Accept that you're invested and plan accordingly."
"Plan how?"
"By making sure she survives this war. By making sure Trace Harrington never gets the chance to hurt her. By finishing this job so you can find out if what you're feeling is real or just adrenaline."
Makes sense. I can't build anything with her while Trace is still breathing, still planning whatever twisted revenge he's got in mind.
"And if she doesn't want anything to do with me after this is over?"
"Then at least you'll know. At least you won't spend the rest of your life wondering what if."
