Page 52 of The Thief
"Yeah."
"And she's got that thing. That quality that makes men do stupid things."
"What thing?"
"Strength wrapped in vulnerability. It makes you want to protect her and possess her at the same time."
Accurate description. Too accurate.
"You speaking from experience?"
"Jessica had it. Still does. First time I saw her, I knew she was going to ruin me for other women."
Jessica. Stephen's wife who's currently pregnant with his child. She's also Jer's niece.
"How'd you know?"
"Because she looked at me like she could see straight through all the bullshit to whatever was left of my soul. Because she made me want to be better than I was."
Sounds familiar. Alastríona's got that same quality, that ability to see past surfaces to the truth underneath.
"And?"
"And I fought it for years. Told myself it was just physical attraction, told myself she'd be better off with someone else, someone who wasn't filled with violence and death."
"But you ended up together."
"I couldn't fight the pull. There was always something about Jessica that made me want her. I watched her for years, knowing it was the only way I could have her."
We're quiet for a moment, both lost in our own thoughts. Stephen thinking about his wife. Me thinking about blue eyes and whiskey-flavored kisses, about a woman who dances alone with her father's ghost.
"I kissed her," I say.
"And?"
"And she pulled away. Said she can't trust it."
"Smart girl. Trust is a luxury in our world."
"Yeah."
"But sometimes it's worth the risk."
"Is it?"
"Depends what you're risking it for."
Good question. What am I risking it for? A chance at something real? A break from the loneliness that's been eating me alive since Ava died? Or just another way to torture myself with what I can't have?
"She's the job," I say.
"So? Does it matter? I mean, what's going to happen after the job is done?"
The question hangs between us like smoke. What happens after? Do I walk away like nothing happened? Do I go back to being Freddie the thief, taking what doesn't belong to me? Or do I try to build something real with a woman who's seen too much violence for one lifetime?
"I don't know."
"That's honest, at least."
