Page 101 of Sunshine
There. If that’s not a declaration of what this family means to me, I don’t know what is. It feels powerful to finally say it. Powerful and terrifying, and I straighten my spine as I ready myself to go to war. If this is ever going to work, Annalise needs to like me. Or at least respect me.
And if I can get Annalise to do that, maybe I’ll feel more hopeful about convincing Daisy to do the same. Maybe.
I don’t know what I’m expecting from Annalise, but it’s more than the shallow nod she gives me. “Dylan says you’ve been working as his nanny this year?”
“Oh. Yes. Nearly three months now.”
“And that’s what you do? You’re a nanny?”
Her tone is level—too level. Wiped clean of even a hint of scorn, but I hear it anyway.
“Yes. I’m a nanny.”
“You’ve always been a nanny?”
“Yes. I’vealwaysbeen a nanny.”
“I’ve offended you.”
“No.”
Again she hits me with that eyebrow.
“A little,” I admit, then add, “A lot. It’s not an easy job, you know? Taking care of children is a big responsibility. I’m not an international lawyer or anything, but nannying is hard.”
“I have no doubt.” Annalise sips her wine and eases back into her seat. “I’m not trying to upset you, Poppy. I’m genuinely interested. I have to be if you’re going to be an important figure in Isobel’s life.”
“Oh.” I sigh and pick up my wine. Annalise is so formal. I still feel like a kid, this time one that’s been invited to sit at the grown-ups’ table. “I apologize. The truth is I’m nervous.”
“I understand.” Annalise regards me with a thoughtful stare. “Would it surprise you to learn that I’m uneasy too?”
“You?” I sweep my eyes up and down her perfectly put-together figure. “Uh, yeah?”
That earns me a hint of a smile. “You feel judged for being a nanny. I feel judged for being a working woman who relinquished custody of her daughter in order to pursue her career.”
“I didn’t—”
“Poppy. Please. Do me the courtesy of not pretending you don’t judge me. Even a little. If for no other reason than for Isobel, our relationship should be built on mutual honesty and respect. Don’t you agree?”
“I do.” I nibble my lip and wonder if this is a trap. “Okay. Fine. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that Ijudgeyou, but I don’t understand how you could walk away from Dylan and Izzy. They’re… They’re amazing. The best people in the world. My whole world—if I’m being honest.”
“I agree. They are the very best people.”
I know this woman is among the smartest humans I’ll ever meet, but even if I were just as smart, her answer still wouldn’t make sense to me.
“So…why?”
“I only ever wanted to practice law,” she says. “I was a child who preferred to read than make friends, and I became a woman who liked order and autonomy. Education was my world, and the law became my love. I never imagined being a mother. I never dreamed about having a family. When I fell pregnant with Isobel, I wondered if that might change, but it didn’t. As much as I love my daughter—and I do love her—I’m not willing to give up everything I’ve worked for in exchange for a life in a small town. It wouldn’t be fair to me, but more importantly, it wouldn’t be fair to Isobel—or to Dylan.”
I stare into my glass with a frown. “I don’t understand.”
“People might believe that I’m selfish to not stay in Aster Springs for Isobel’s benefit, or that I’ve been selfish to put Dylan in the position of raising her as a single father. But I disagree. I don’t settle for the second best in life. Not ever. And I don’t expect my daughter or Dylan to settle either. I wouldn’t make a good mother. And as fond as I am of Dylan—as much as I like him and respect him and appreciate him—I do not love him. I wouldn’t make a good wife.”
A vise I didn’t know was around my heart releases with a snap I can almost hear. Muscles I didn’t know were tensed relax with silent sighs.
Annalise drops her head to one side as she watches me. “You’re relieved.”
“A little.” I roll my eyes as she quirks that eyebrow at me like some darn lie detector. “Okay. A lot. I don’t want to feel like I’m competing with you. I don’t think I would win.”
