Page 63 of Sunshine
“Seriously?” Finn frowns and looks out the window to the trees surrounding the house, pockets of blue sky and sunlight peeking out between the winter-bare limbs. “But…why?”
I grimace and avoid Finn’s curious stare. “Apparently, girls would befriend Daisy to get to us, then ditch her when we didn’t look twice. The way Poppy tells it, Daisy made and lost friends on a regular rotation, and it stung. The only one who stuck around—and loved Daisy more than they wanted to get close to her brothers—was Poppy. After Mom died, Daisy was spinning. She was terrified of losing someone else.”
Finn’s cheeks puff up as he blows out an overwhelmed breath. “Okay.” He nods, still staring out the window, and says again, “Okay.”
“So, you see my predicament.”
“Not really, bro.”
I’m so certain that Finn will agree with me that it takes a while for his reply to land. “Uh… Huh?”
“What do you mean,huh?” Finn shakes his head. “I get why it was important to be sensitive to Daisy at the time, but she was sixteen, and it was twelve years ago. In case you didn’t notice, we’re all adults now. I think she’d agree that things have changed. She’d understand.”
“And what if she doesn’t?” I insist. “What if my sneaking around with her best friend destroys her relationship with Poppy? We’ve already been hiding the truth for weeks. The lie already exists. It’ll be over in a couple of months, just a memory for both of us, and what then? Daisy is the most important person in the world to Poppy. She can’t lose her. I can’t be the reason they lose each other.”
“I think you’re creating something out of nothing.”
“Ithink you’re under the impression that this thing with Poppy is more serious than it is.” The words are like poisonon my lips. The lies just keep on coming. “We’re having fun. It doesn’t mean anything.”
Finn leans back in his chair, swings one ankle up to the opposite knee, and studies me as he absently runs his fingers through Dakota’s golden coat.
“You like it,” he says. “You like sneaking around.”
I scoff, but it’s forced, and Finn’s not buying it.
“It’s a little dangerous,” he adds. “It makes things more exciting. Hotter. The sneaking out and telling lies and hiding things. You like it.”
I sweep a palm over my jaw again, then drop my fingers onto the opposite shoulder and poke at that persistent knot before I let my hand fall to my lap. “I don’t like lying to Daisy, but…”
My gaze flickers to Finn’s, and something in his steady expression invites me to be honest. And I really, really want to.
“I like having something for me,” I admit. “I like the reminder that I’m not just a dad with a thousand responsibilities that always feel more important than the things I want and need for myself. I like having someone to touch and who wants to touch me. I like the reminder that there’s still time for pleasure and freedom in my life. I like believing that I won’t always be a single parent and that it’s possible for someone to love Izzy the way she deserves. That a woman might one day want my daughter as much as she wants me. And… And I like the way Poppy makes me feel.”
“And how’s that?” he asks softly.
“Hopeful. Happy. Relaxed.” My mouth twitches as I look at my hands again and recall all the things they’ve done these last few weeks. I think about kissing Poppy at The Tipple. Making her come against the tree. Punching Wade. Poppy cutting my hair. Our hike and the feel of her fingers twisted in mine. Every day, all those little moments grow bigger and bigger in my mind. “I feel like I’m getting to know myself again.”
I don’t even notice the silence between us until Finn’s smooth bass disturbs it. “Then I’ll keep your secret. I’ll let you lie to Daisy if that’s what you need right now.”
My chin lifts, and my eyebrows climb with surprise before they fall again with relief. “Thank you.”
“On one condition.”
Of course. Because when has a big brother ever made life easier? “What’s that?”
“You stop lying toyourself.”
It’s an effort to swallow. “What do you mean?”
“This thing with Poppy might be fun, but that’s not all it is. And you might fool Daisy. You might fool Izzy. You might even think you’re fooling me. But if youreallythink all you’re doing is spending a few months of hooking up with a girl as great as Poppy, the biggest fool here is you.”
No. My head shakes before the thoughts have time to take shape in my head. He’s wrong. He has to be because if I invest too much of myself in thisthingwith Poppy, I’ll be a fool reliving painful mistakes I swore I’d never make again.
“But Poppy—”
“I’m sure whatever you’re going to say makes sense in that thick head of yours,” Finn interrupts. “And I’m not going to argue because you’ve always been a stubborn asshole who thinks he knows better than everyone else. All I’m saying is I won’t say a thing to Daisy as long as you promise to think about what I said.”
Finn flexes his hand, knuckles cracking like he’s thinking about wrestling me into a headlock the way he used to when he wanted to get the upper hand when we were kids. I eye his thick hands and hard arms nervously. He’s a lot bigger now. A wall of solid tattooed muscle trained to subdue an enemy. I might have been wily enough to escape him then, but I don’t like my chances now.
