Page 105 of Wallflower
“I want to be inside you so fucking bad,” he mumbles between kisses across my jaw, my neck, my chest, my nipples. My legs fall open as he works his way down my sternum, around my navel,and down my hip bones. “But I don’t want this moment to end. I want it to last forever.”
Me too, I scream inside my head.I want this. I want you.
But I don’t say it. I just arch my back as Chord buries his head between my thighs, clawing at the sheets as his tongue hits my core and his fingers glide across my clit.
Aching and throbbing after another climax, I’ve barely caught my breath when Chord stretches out beside me on the mattress, lifts me up to straddle him, and guides me onto his towering cock.
I sink onto him with a gratified moan, my pussy quivering with the need to come around something solid, and I ride him. I ride him hard and without thought, meeting his eyes as he thrusts up to me, my hips bucking and my heart racing as we give each other all of ourselves. We keep nothing to ourselves. We leave nothing behind.
We come together hard and fast, and although we collapse in a sweaty, satisfied jumble of arms and legs, we don’t sleep. We just start again. Slowly at first, with kisses and touches, until Chord is hard and I’m soaked with desire. He enters me again. Over and over, until we’re both spent, and I curl against the warmth of his body, inside the curve of his arm.
I wait until I think he’s asleep so he can’t give me an answer, but I know I can’t leave tomorrow without asking him what will happen next.
“What was that?” I whisper into the darkness. “Was it goodbye? Are we breaking up?”
“Oh, Wallflower—”
I press myself tighter against his body. “Maybe we can try a long-distance relationship, or keep dating in secret? Nobody has to know. We can work this out, can’t we?”
I hold my breath, scared of his answer and just as afraid of his silence. His voice is low and strained as he presses his lips to the top of my head.
“I’ve been selfish my entire life, and I refuse to make the same mistake now. I need to be better than that, which is why I’m not going to limit a single opportunity for you. Not your career. Not your confidence. Not the possibility that in the next three years, you’ll find the future you’ve always dreamed about. I won’t let my name, my money, or my baggage overshadow your achievements. This is your time, and you have to take it. No second thoughts. No looking back.”
My heart breaks as his arms grow hard and possessive around me. “I love you, Violet James, so damn much, and that’s why I’m letting you go.”
My thoughts are all muddled, my emotions are a mess, and I don’t know if he’s right, but when has he ever steered me wrong? So, like I always do, I let Chord take the lead. I’ll go to Milan, and I’ll fulfill my dreams. It’s the only thing for me to do.
Chord tilts up my chin and drops a soft, sweet kiss on my lips while my silent tears roll down my cheeks and land on his wrist.
“We were supposed to have more time,” I whisper. “Summer ended too soon.”
He lets out a long, heavy breath as his arms get tighter around me. “Summer might be over, Wallflower, but the life you’ve been dreaming about has only just begun.”
Chord sleeps beside me, but I lie awake and watch the candles flicker and extinguish one by one until the bedroom is lit only by the moon and stars sparkling silver outside the enormouswindows. I turn my head on the pillow, and through my tears, I study Chord while he sleeps.
His arms, even at rest, display the hard lines of an athlete. His back is muscled and strong. His tight, bare ass peeks out from the tangle of sheets. His dark hair is almost black in the shadows, a mop of waves with a single lock tumbled over his forehead, and the moon glow glances off his high cheekbones, straight nose, and smooth bronzed skin.
The scar slashing his eyebrow is the only thing that could mar his beauty, but that one imperfection only makes the rest of him flawless by comparison. His dark lashes rest on his cheeks, and behind those closed lids are the cobalt blue eyes that once struck me still with fear and now give me life.
I know that if I look into them again, I’ll never leave here. I’ll never have the strength to walk away from him. And he’ll never forgive himself if I don’t.
So, I sneak away while Chord’s still sleeping. I dress in silence and stand by my luggage on the porch while I order a car, then I swipe through to my contacts list and blink away tears as I block Chord’s number. My hands shake as I tuck my phone away, and my empty stomach turns with regret. It’s for the best, and it’s what he wants. A clean break. A new beginning.
Headlights appear on the driveway, and I step out into the darkness. Then I go to the airport, and I get on the plane.
forty
Chord
39 DAYS WITHOUT HER
The mountains are purple,the sky above them a thousand shades of pink, and the air begins to cool as the sun begins its fall over Silver Leaf. I cross my arms, lean my back against the timber fence circling an open field near the renovated barn, and watch Daisy canter past on the young, athletic golden mare I bought her. She named the horse Chardonneigh, and behind her, Finn follows on a gray retired rodeo pickup we christened Stallion Blanc. He rides with the easy grace and competent circuits of someone who grew up around horses.
On the far side of the paddock, Dylan holds the reins of a gentle sorrel gelding, leading it in a slow walk with Isobel on its back. She named her horse Mabel, of course, even after we explained thatMabelis a boy.
Daisy is never happier than when she’s on the back of a horse, and the way she squealed and unreservedly accepted these three when they arrived earlier in the week should have been the balmI needed. Finally, someone I love accepted what I had to give them.
But it isn’t enough. My family’s joy is a tiny moth beating itself against the glass, trying to get to the warmth on the other side, not realizing the fire is a blaze of rage and grief that incinerates everything in its path.
