Page 100 of Sins or Secrets
“You were just dying to ask me about him weren’t you?” I toss some popcorn at her, lightening the mood and she laughs.
“Of course I was. There’s no way you expect me to keep quiet about him when so much has been revealed.He’s also done heaps for you over the last few days.I knew he was great at his job, but damn.He’s really good.”
“He is. It was nice hanging out with him too yesterday.”
“And what about the other night?As in the night when you left the club with him.Was that nice too?”
An angry blush sweeps over me.“Bree you are going to be the death of me.Death by embarrassment.”
“Nothing to be embarrassed about.We’re both grown women and we can talk freely about sex without the walls hearing us.At least you can. You had sex before me.”
More embarrassment takes me. She’s absolutely right and that was a big deal given the fact that out of the two of us she was the most boy crazy.I was seventeen when I lost my virginity to Logan.It happened on my birthday so I was barely seventeen.That was also the night before he was called away to duty.
“And you’re still having more sex than me,” she adds with a chuckle.
“Forgive me.”
“All is forgiven. I just want to know what’s happening next.”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
Her face falls. “Nothing? Really Quinn.”
I sigh. “Logan was really distant when we got back last night and I understand why.Before the truth came out I told him we should focus on being professional.”
“Quinn,” she huffs. “You actually said that?”
“Yeah. At the time my head was a mess.I was thinking about the past, and my worries about us.”
“Now that he knows what happened, are your worries still the same?” She gives me a cautious look.
I’m ashamed to nod. “Yeah, it’s stupid right?All I ever wanted was to be with him.Dance and be with the love of my life.I got the dancing part in the bag.I just need a job. When it comes to him though, you’d think that I should be happy all these years have passed and we still feel the same.But it’s not that simple.”
“Why can’t it be that simple? I know I was saying the other day that exes having fun can just be fun, but there’s more depth to you two.”
“And maybe that’s why it’s so hard,” I confess.
“What’s really bothering you Quinn?There must be a definitive reason you’re holding on to.”
“There is. I’m scared… that’s what it is.I’m scared it might not work and if it doesn’t work out with him, I don’t think I could come back from that.He’s the guy I dreamed about and he became forbidden to me.Part of me wants to hold on to what we had in the past as an untarnished memory.I don’t want the story to end badly.”
“You sound so convinced it will end badly.”
“Everything has so far for me, Bree.I lost him that night I had to give him up.Then I lost our baby, the one piece of him I had left.I blamed myself for years. I had no one who could sympathize with me and tell me it would be okay.I’m divorced and my father was a murdering animal.Where am I supposed to get hope from?It’s nice finding Heather, but even knowing about her adds to the depth of my father’s cruelty.”
She presses her lips together and I know it’s because she doesn’t know what the hell to say to me.What can anyone say? My life has been shit.
“Think of the positives. You have a chance to do things differently.You can’t live in fear of the unknown.”
“I know. I think it’s just that maybe I need time.” Time again.I’m still waiting for the healing power of time to touch me.
My phone rings and I jump, startled by the sudden buzz.It's onthe coffee table next to the bowl of popcorn.
I lean forward to pick it up but leave it right there when I see on the screen that it’s Riley.
He’s calling me again. Why?
It rings and I stare, fighting with myself not to answer.We’re divorced now, so there’s no reason tocall.Definitely no reason when he’s confirmed he has people following me, and I’m certain that was one of his assholes at the bar onSunday.
