Page 63 of Play of Love
“It’s new, and you’re you, and I’m me.”
“What’s wrong with that?” His eyes searched mine.
There was everything wrong with it but I couldn’t say that to him. I wouldn’t hurt him more than he looked.
I’d done such a great job at avoiding feeling like this. Feeling my heart respond to someone who I had no control over. Feeling my pulse leap every time he looked at me.
There was too much going on to deal with this right now.
“It’s new, Josh, and I …I, need slow right now.”
The other overarching thing was obviously why I was here. Why I was working for him. Over the last few weeks I’d had several chances to tell him about my mother. Several opportunities to talk about myself. Thankfully we were kept busy with trying to sort out his problems.
The last thing I wanted him to think was that I helped him the way I did because of the money. It would break my heart if he thought that.
At first I’d come for the money and that goal to get all that I was promised, but that was in the extremely initial stages. Things changed, and my feelings changed. Right now I’d jumped so far over the line of professionalism that I couldn’t see it, and even if I could I didn’t know if I could go back over it.
“Slow,” he muttered.
“Yes. Josh, you have other things to worry about. Your father is probably at the top of the list.”
He looked away again and sighed. “I can’t speak to him, Amy. I want to, and I wish I could see him, but I don’t know if I can.”
“You should try.” I’d heard his father call a few times now. He always said the same things, and Josh always treated him the same. He always allowed the answering machine to pick up. “He sounded terrible.”
Josh turned to face me. “Amy, my parents were madly in love with each other. Every memory I have of them is filled with it. They were always together, hardly ever argued, and when they did it was over nonsense. Sometimes it was embarrassing, but it made me realize that people really can feel that way about each other.”
All I could do was look at him and listen. I didn’t know how to comment because I’d had the complete opposite in my life. My mother definitely loved my father, but he was a useless jerk who left his family practically on the streets with nothing. He didn’t love my mother or his children. All he cared about was himself.
“That’s beautiful,” I told him.
“It is. And while I may be finding ways to deal with my guilt, I don’t know how to face him feeling like I took the love of his life away.”
I put my arms around him and he pulled me close to his chest. “You didn’t, Josh. You didn’t take them away.”
He leaned in and kissed my forehead.
I ran my hands across his chest. “You should talk to your dad. You really should.”
“I’ll prepare myself to call him.” He pulled away from me so he could look at me . “Amy, you can say no, but do you think you could stay with me. I just…need you.”
Staying would place my right in the den of my intense attraction to him, but I would stay if he needed me. Besides, it sure would be nice to be somewhere safe and comfortable.
“Of course I’ll stay.”
That seemed to really cheer him up. He took both my hands, brought them up to his lips, and kissed my knuckles.
“Thank you.” He smiled, then narrowed his eyes at me. “So, does slow mean not doing anything?”
I smiled at that. “No.” My cheeks warmed as the mischief returned to his eyes.
“Can we do what we did tonight, just…slowly?” He went to touch my waist and I swatted his hands away.
“No.” I giggled.
“This is real torture, baby. So what can we do? You can’t expect me to just stare at you from afar like some weirdo.”
I laughed then reached out to hold his jaw. “Come here.”
His smile widened as I directed him back to my lips and kissed him.
“We can kiss.”
He smiled against my lips.
“Before nine and after five.”
“Okay. I’ll try this.” He pulled me onto his lap again to kiss me properly.
