Page 52 of Play of Love
I got out of the jeep, cleared it of all the empty cans of beer and bottles of wine, then decided to head home. It would be a very long walk, well over two hours. But I’d take that time to think and plan out how I was going to move my life forward.
It was time to do something different.
* * *
Amy
* * *
I only came back because the police called me.
No, I had to be honest with myself. I was already heading out the door with the intention to come back when they called me. Despite the horrible encounter I had with Josh this morning, I’d decided to gear myself up and see how he was. I’d put it down to just wanting to know how I should prepare myself for tomorrow.
Truthfully, I wanted to make sure he was okay.
Then the police called me to let me know they’d found his Range Rover parked near Dead Man’s Gorge. I asked where that was, hoping it was some kind of dare-devil place or something, but deep down knew it couldn’t have been a good place.
When the officer confirmed my worries, my heart shattered and I wished I hadn’t left Josh. Despite his rage I wished I didn’t leave.
I hadn’t known Josh very long, but it would break my heart if he did something to himself, and it was looking very likely that he had.
The police found the Range Rover parked a few feet away from the edge. That sounded pretty bad to me.
It was six o’clock now. I’d been here for a few hours, sitting with Hilda in Josh’s living room. We were waiting to hear from the police.
I had called Hilda and Corey because they were the only people I had to contact. Corey was with the police. He went just in case he needed to…
Well, in case he needed to identify Josh’s body. A tear ran down my cheek at the horrific thought.
“Hey. Don’t cry,chica. We don’t know what’s happened,” Hilda offered, resting her hand on mine.
“It doesn’t look good, Hilda.”
“I know. How about I go get us some stuff at the shop? Like ice cream, or something to cheer us both up,” she offered with a small smile.
I nodded, only agreeing because poor Hilda had done everything she could to make me feel better and I knew she was just trying to help in the way she felt she could.
I probably needed a moment to myself anyway. Just to process what was going on.
As Hilda left the room, I leaned forward onto my elbows and held my head in my hands.
What an absolute mess. These last few months had been so up and down that I didn’t even know if I was coming or going. First Mom, then leaving my job in New York, and now Josh.
Weakness ached my body and sapped what little energy I had left away from me. It was as if I’d lived a hundred lifetimes in these short months. So much had happened in a very little space of time and I always had to be alert and ready for the next thing life planned to throw at me. There really was only so much a person could take and this waiting was torture. It made me feel worse for my lack of compassion towards Josh during the time I’d been here.
He must have felt so bad about himself to go to that place and…
I lifted my head as I heard the front door open.
Footsteps that weren’t Hilda’s sounded on the floorboards in the passage way. As far as I knew no one else had keys to the house. I stood as the footsteps came closer. My heart slammed at the sight of him, then soared within my chest when Josh walked into the living room.
Relief washed over me in waves and to such an intensity that it brought fresh tears to my eyes. He stopped by the standing lamp near the wall when he saw me and bit the inside of his lip. Josh looked terrible. It was the first time I’d ever seen him look so bad. Bloodshot eyes looked back at me, overpowering the unusual mix of color that always fascinated me. The stubble on his face and the redness of his skin gave him a haggard, worn-down appearance. This wasn’t the Josh I knew. My first reaction was to rush over to him and hug him, because I was so happy to see him and so happy he didn’t do something to himself. However, as the urge to hug him lifted, I instantly remembered our run in this morning and I felt like I’d imposed on him again, stepping so far over the line that it was beginning to look inappropriate. Especially when he outrightly told me not to come back till tomorrow.
Then I felt annoyance at the conflict of emotions, and at him.
“I’m sorry I’m here. I thought something happened to you.” I grabbed my bag from the sofa. “Why were you at Dead Man’s Gorge? You know what, don’t tell me.” I shook my head. It was fine, I didn’t need to know. He didn’t have to tell me, and most likely wouldn’t from the way he spoke to me this morning. More tears ran down my cheeks and I wanted to leave before I broke down again. “I’m just leaving now. Please don’t scream at me and remind me that I don’t get paid to care. I’ll see you at nine a.m. tomorrow morning.” I could barely say the words.
He caught my arm as I tried to rush past him.
