Page 49 of Play of Love
There was no way I could see Pete or Dad. No way. I knew that now. It wasn’t even an option to contemplate. Not for me. My shame was too great.
I finished off the bottle of wine and felt that buzz it usually gave me. Now I just needed the other part of my medication: a few women eager to please. I picked up the phone and went to dial Allegra’s number. As I went to press the call button, an image of Amy’s face flashed into my mind. I saw her beautiful, beautiful face, and the tentative look she’d given me as she’d asked if I’d be calling Allegra and bed friends.
I’d told her no. Usually I wouldn’t make such a promise or even come back with such an answer, but I did for her.
I looked at the phone, stared at Allegra’s number for a few seconds, then tossed it across the room. Thankfully it didn’t smash like the last one.
I’d told Amy I wouldn’t and I didn’t want to addliarto the already lengthy list of unsavory things that I was.
How long had I known Amy for? Two days shy of three weeks, and yet she’d had such a massive effect on me. Big enough to let me know that, despite my drunken mind, I didn’t want Allegra and bed friends.
What I wanted was Amy.
The freaking Disney princess I’d christened Kansas. The thought of it all was just as grievous as the rest of my life.
It didn’t do me any favors to want something I couldn’t have.
* * *
Amy
* * *
I got to Josh’s house early again. As early as I could. I didn’t have any problems at my apartment like yesterday because I’d sealed up the crack in my door, but I figured that if I could get to him early enough we could have a day like yesterday.
I also planned to do something that could make him extremely furious with me , but it was the risk I was willing to take.
The sun hadn’t even come up yet when I got there. The place stank of booze like it did before Hilda started working there.
That told me he’d hit the bottle hard, and it could mean that he’d had his bed friends and strippers around too. The thought pulled at my heart but I pushed it aside. I decided that the kiss we had was just a kiss and nothing more. It was really nice and I enjoyed being with him, but he was so wrong for me. I was practically shooting myself in the foot by going after a man like that.
Just yesterday I’d considered myself fortunate to not have happened upon anyone who could potentially treat me like my father did my mother. Foolishly, I never considered the man sitting next to me.
There was, however, one thing I was hoping the kiss would help with. I hoped that when he realized that I’d emptied out all his bottles of wine and threw out the beer he’d be calm enough to remember that there must have been some part of him that liked me.
It took me awhile to find everything, but I did. The pantry was completely full of wine, vodka, and other mixtures of drink. But I got rid of it all. I hated wasting anything, especially when I knew how expensive it was, but it needed to be done. We couldn’t continue like this and his drinking would be both our downfall. He had two weeks of public appearances and promotional work booked. Then it was training. I wanted to get him to that stage.
Money had been at the forefront of my mind only days ago but things had changed.
Now there was more. Now I cared.
I cared that Josh was drinking too much. And, I cared that he grieved. My heart went out to him and I wanted to help in whatever way I could. This was me helping.
When I was done I waited for him in the sitting room. This time I didn’t turn on the TV. I just waited, and the longer I waited the more anxious I felt. When I heard him moving around upstairs I stood up and brought my hands together. I heard him come down the stairs and go into the kitchen. Then I heard him roar like the other day when I threw the water in his face.
Today was worse, though. Today he sounded like some kind of hell beast. That was undoubtedly the result of me swapping the cans of beer in the fridge with elderflower juice. He’d liked it yesterday so I thought hey, maybe this would soften the blow.
I was beginning to doubt that assumption as I heard him cursing, saying terrible things that literally burned my ears. With courage I gathered my strength and made my way through the living room and into the kitchen. He turned around when he saw me and stared me down like he would kill me.
“You.” He pointed. His face colored fiercely and his nostrils flared. His eyes blazed. “You did this,” he yelled, picking up one of the empty wine bottles near the recycling bin. The bin had been full and I planned to take that one outside.
“You are drinking too much. We won’t be able to achieve anything if you don’t stop.” I was trying to make him see my point, but he shocked me by throwing down the bottle on the marble kitchen floor. It smashed on impact and sent shards of glass everywhere.
He then went for the fridge, grabbed several bottles of elderflower juice, and smashed those too.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?” he yelled.
That was when I knew no kiss on this Earth would have softened the blow.
“Josh.”
“Shut up,” he snarled and threw his fist into the wall behind me. I froze, thinking he was going to go for me next, but he backed away. “This stops now. You are my assistant. My employee. Don’t cross that line again. You don’t get paid to care. Now get out of my house and don’t come back till nine a.m. tomorrow.”
I pulled in a breath against the tears that stung the backs of my eyes. I looked at him and tried to find the man I spent the day with yesterday, but he wasn’t there.
The person standing before me was someone else entirely. I turned and walked out, wishing I never had to return.
