Page 96 of The Rules Of Attraction
Chapter 17
Summer
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Ididn’t want to cry in front of Alex, or show my feelings.
I knew he could see that I wasn’t myself and I didn’t want to talk about what was bothering me.
Tom had called me again.
More than once yesterday, and just before I went in to see Alex. I didn’t answer the phone on any occasion.
After that last time, I realized I couldn’t deal with the anxiety it gave me at work.
I just couldn’t, and I didn’t want to speak to him.
I really didn’t.
Tom calling was messing things up in my head. This was something I didn’t expect.
I’d just started to feel like myself again, or truthfully better.
Alex made me feel better than the normal me.
Tom, however, had thrown me off balance.
He had been my boyfriend for over eleven years. I saw myself having a future with this man. I imagined the whole thing. We’d get married, have a house, have children and spend the rest of our lives together.
That was the order that I saw things going.
He saw something else with Becca and ruined that vision for me. I loved him with everything in me, and the question I was faced with now was: was that love strong enough to make me forgive him?
Was it strong enough to make me gloss over all that had happened with Becca and take him back?
Was it real?
I thought that maybe those questions would be easier to deal with had I not met Alex.
I had to be crazy for even thinking about him, because I didn’t have a relationship with Alex. I never had. What we had was fun.
But, it was something new that I liked.
Something that was so strong it scared me because I’d never met anyone who’d had such an intense effect on me.
When Alex looked at me I felt like he was looking at all of me, inside and out.
It was a look that told me he wanted me, and was just as effective as if he’d said the words.
So, with that in mind, how was I supposed to give my ex-boyfriend of eleven years, who cheated on me with my best friend, and never looked at me like he even loved me a chance?
How?
Besides, I felt that there were some things in this world that could literally kill love. I couldn’t get passed the day that I found out Tom and Becca were together, and had been together behind my back.
How was I supposed to trust someone like that again? Add the fact that I’d be an idiot to take him back so shouldn’t even be considering it.
I went to see Eilesh, who was completely against Tom. She flat out told me no, and not to give him a chance. Then reigned in her anger and told me to think it all through, and not allow him to push his way back into my life.
