Page 103 of The Rules Of Attraction
Chapter 18
Summer
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“Idon’t love him. I don’t love Tom anymore.” Saying the words sounded freeing as if I’d slipped out of the bonds that had held me down for the last few weeks.
“Shouldn’t you sound a little happier than that?” Eilesh asked.
We’d been on the phone now for a few minutes. She’d called every chance she got since the last time I’d spoken to Tom.
I sighed and pressed the phone to my ear while I shuffled around on my chair.
“Its left me bitter, Eilesh. The whole thing. I feel like a fool.”
“I understand. I do, and I wish that I could do something to make you feel better.” Her voice sounded weak.
“Talking to you helps.”
“I still wish I could do more. Summer, it’s all such a mess. I can’t begin to understand how you must feel.”
I couldn’t quite begin to describe it. And, the situation was worsened by Tom’s continuous calls. He’d called every other day for the last two and a half weeks.
I’d taken the plunge and decided to change my number tomorrow. The one I had, had been with me for the last six years. I knew it off by heart and it had just become a part of me. I didn’t want to have to resort to changing it but I didn’t know how much I could take of his constant calls which were now bordering on harassment.
I wasn’t sure who in their right mind would expect to not only have forgiveness, but for me to take him back.
Really?
“I just want to stop feeling bitter.”
“Would that include giving more thought to Alex?” Curiosity filled her voice.
God, this really was such a mess because I was so scared of the feelings I’d developed for Alex that I’d avoided him as best as I could.
For two and a half weeks the poor guy had done all the he could to see if I was okay, help me in whatever way he could, or just talk to me but I just kept myself to myself.
“I shouldn’t.”
“Shouldn’t? That sounds vague, and full of possibility.” Her soft chuckle filled the line.
Realistically, I should have kept the focus on my career. Working at Sullivan’s was the only step I’d made so far in the right direction.
But something had happened to me in the last few weeks that I couldn’t overlook.
I felt terrible that day when I found out that Becca was pregnant, and that Tom had cheated on me for years.
I felt like I was nothing, not important enough to be valued, and like something must have been wrong with me for him to have treated me that way.
But then Alex came home and called me angel. How many times had he called me that since I’d met him?
More times than I counted, and I’d never asked why until that night.
Hearing him describe me as perfect and flawless reached into my soul and awakened something that I didn’t know existed. He’d pried open my closed heart that I was trying so hard to keep from breaking any more than it had.
That was the part that scared me, and what I was afraid to feel. All these weeks I’d sensed it coming and wanted to hold back.
“I shouldn’t.” I repeated, talking more to myself than to her.
