Page 14 of I Love You Again
"Toopainful."
“I get that, but I just can’t believe you never even mentioned her. If you had maybe we could have made the connection that I knew her.” Neil grimaced with ashrug.
“Maybe. I just never talked about what happened with anybody. It really was painful.” And, it still was. He would never kid himself into thinking that the pain was any less. Or, that time had made his loss feel anybetter.
“I must have mentioned her name,” Neiloffered.
“You probably did, but Neil you were always trying to set me up with someone. I couldn’t keep up. Also, there’s no way that I would have thought any Trina you would have mentioned was mygirl.”
“My girl?” Neil raised his brows with a question in hiseyes.
“The girl I knew in Iowa. I mean. That’s what I meant.” She used to be his girl, in a different lifetime. In a different lifetime, she was his and he washers.
It was so fucking messed up, and his brain still felt so numb he couldn’t think straight. It was best for him togo.
"What are you going to do now?" Neil asked as he watched Brad grab his suitcase and shove it on to thebed.
"I can't be your best man Neil. I'm leaving." Brad told him. The crestfallen look on Neil’s face made him feelguilty.
"That’s shit man. I won't accept that. You can't leave because this has happened. You're my best friend, and this is not something I'll be doing again. Jennifer's it for me. You have to be there to watch me marryher."
It was a real nice thing to say, and Brad appreciated it, but he couldn't behere.
"I'm really happy for you and Jennifer, but it's too painful for me to be here. I lived with the guilt of leaving Trina for a very long time.” He brought his hand up to his head and sighed. “I still do, and as good an idea as it was that I left I often wonder if maybe I should have stayed and put up a fight. That's what you do when you love someone. Right? You fight forthem."
"Brad. From what you told me I doubt that you would have fought against a dying man'swish."
Brad bit the inside of his lip and frowned. Neil was right. Brad wouldn't have fought against Jim's wishes knowing he was dying. And, realistically he probably shouldn't have told Trina what happened, but he had to. Jim was dead, and Brad had already lost everything. There was nothing more tolose.
All he had left was the damn ring, which he foolishly still carried around with him. It was in his suitcase now, packed in with the stuff he always took with him on his travels. It was ridiculous that he kept it, that he had it still, and that it was here now like some sort of joke onhim.
"I still can't be hereNeil."
Neil shook his head, and a lock of his dark hair fell forward on to hisforehead.
"Can you give it till morning? Everything's raw right now. I'd probably leave too if I were you, but on account of the wedding please just consider staying thenight."
Brad looked at Neil and saw the eagerness in his eyes. He supposed he could stay the night and cool off. He'd exposed a lot of wounds today, and he needed to take a moment to process itall.
"Okay."
