Page 63 of My Sweetest Obsession
It’s the last thing I want to do, the last place I ever want to find myself again.
He swallows and takes a sip of his coffee. “You also know that it isn’t just bad emotions that can trigger a relapse, Cam. You could finally be happy because you got what you always wanted, but that could be just as dangerous as all those other emotions.”
Dale is right.
He usually is.
That’s why I wanted him as my sponsor—because he has been clean for almost three decades but relapsed several times before getting to that point. He’s been through it all and understands triggers better than anyone.
Except this isn’t just a trigger.
This is a person.
This is someone who is family forever now because of the baby growing inside of her.
“You’re asking me to walk away from my family.”
He pauses with a bite of steak halfway up to his mouth. “Are they your family, or are they Drew’s?”
I cringe, squeezing my eyes closed at the pain that lashes through my chest. “They’re Drew’s.”
The words hurt to say even more than they do to hear.
“And is it your responsibility to pick up the pieces? Or should Ivy be able to find a life without you and the memories of everything that happened constantly surrounding her?”
I want to tell him that isn’t fair, but he’s right.
As much as she might be a trigger for me, I am for her, too.
Every time she sees me, every time we talk, when I touch her the way I did two nights ago, it all brings this rush of conflicting emotions barreling back like a tidal wave that threatens to pull me under the dark water.
“So…you’re saying I should walk away.”
He shoves the steak into his mouth. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. It’s my job to help you through your recovery, to make sure you stay on track, to ensure you’re avoiding things that will trigger you. Like I said, devil’s advocate.”
“And what if I don’t?”
His eyes stay locked on me as he chews and eventually swallows. “What if you don’t what?”
“Walk away.”
Dale considers me for a moment. “Then you’re making it a thousand times harder on yourself to stay sober and clean. You’re setting yourself up to fall and to fail. You know I will always be here for you, no matter what, but you have to understand the position you’re putting yourself in every time you see that woman.”
I lean back in the booth and stare at the one that Ivy and I sat in that day. “Well, luckily, I don’t see her that much.”
“Oh, that’s right.” His eyes widen. “You just sneak into her house while she’s gone and drop things off and then sneak back out.”
I smirk at him. “Pretty much.”
“You know what that makes you?”
“If you say stalker…”
He barks out a laugh. “No, that’s what you were before. Now? I don’t know what the fuck you are. Maybe an altruistic lurker…” He motions toward my plate. “Eat. You need to. You look like you haven’t been.”
I clear my throat. “I am.”
But he’s right; my appetite seems to have fled the same way Ivy’s did when Drew died. Though apparently, she had a very legitimate excuse for that, whereas for me, it’s these welling emotions that always seem to clog my throat.
