Page 38 of My Sweetest Obsession
“Our dad was around…but not much.” We were lucky if we saw him for a three-day weekend once a month and then a few weeks here and there while he was on leave. And now, all those memories are tainted by what Mom revealed about Dad’s struggles that so closely mirror my own. “I found out he was an alcoholic.”
Her head whips toward me, her eyes wide. “Really?”
I nod. “Mom told me that night.”
Ivy pulls her lip under her teeth, and guilt clouds her eyes at the mere mention of the night that changed everything between us.
“You did the right thing, Ivy, calling her, getting her over there.”
Moisture pools in her eyes, and I don’t dare hope that they’re for me rather than just caused by the wind and sand. But a little hiccupped sob slips from her lips. “I shouldn’t have left you like that…”
She shakes her head, and a tear trickles from her eye before she looks back to the water.
I so badly want to reach out and wipe it away, but I don’t have the right to touch her anymore.
No.
I never had the right to touch her.
That’s what started this whole mess in the first place.
“You needed to get out of there, Ivy. I understand that.” I attempt to keep my voice level, trying to stop myself from breaking before I say what she desperately needs to hear. “It was a shitty position to put you in. But you saved my life that night.” I release a long, heavy breath, wishing I didn’t have to admit this to her. “If you hadn’t come over, I…” I squeeze my eyes closed, remembering the vicious spiral I was in, but then I force my eyes open, force myself to look at her and see her agony. “Ivy, please look at me.”
She turns her head, and her watery gaze locks with mine.
“It’s okay. You did the right thing.” I press my hands to my chest. “I’m the one who fucked up. Over and over again. Please don’t feel guilty about leaving because you had to.”
Her lip trembles, and she nods, twisting back to face the waves. “He wanted to have his ashes spread because he didn’t want me to be staring at an urn constantly, but”—she shrugs—“here I am, staring out at the water as if he’s still here.”
Fuck.
There is no hope of restraining my own tears anymore.
They fall easily, sliding hot down my cheeks and cooling before they drop from my jaw. “He is still here. I feel him every time I’m on this beach.”
Which I’ve been coming to far too much lately.
At least once a week, sometimes more, I stand right in this spot, needing to be close to him even if he wouldn’t want this.
“Yeah.” Her voice cracks as she nods. “Me, too.”
This time, the silence that settles over us is comfortable.
There are so many more things to say, but today is about Drew.
My guilt can wait…
All that exists in this moment is the two of us loving Drew, the lapping of the waves, and the breeze blowing around us.
The temperature seems to drop again, and Ivy shivers more violently.
Immediately, the desire to get her somewhere safe and warm overtakes me. “Should you be out here?”
Her hard eyes flick to mine. “I’m pregnant, not sick.”
“I know, I’m just…I worry about you.”
Every second of every day, I worry about her and the baby.
