Page 36 of My Sweetest Obsession
Right in front of me.
Looking so fucking beautiful.
She stands, staring at the water with her arms wrapped around her, the collar of her peacoat flipped up against the wind. Her dark hair floats on the breeze, whipping to the side under a particularly large gust, and she shivers.
Fucking hell…
All I want to do is step up behind her and tug her to me, give her my warmth and comfort her on a day that has to be as excruciating for her as it is for me, but I can’t.
And that crushing reality lodges something squarely in my throat.
I don’t know if she senses my approach, but it definitely seems like her back stiffens as I step up next to her. She doesn’t turn to look at me, doesn’t say anything, just keeps her gaze locked on the churning water and the waves lapping at the shore.
“I should have known you’d be here…”
My words sound hollow, as empty as I’ve felt for the last several months since Drew died, and even more so since the ugly truth came out and Ivy really saw me.
Keeping her eyes on the last place we saw Drew, she nods, burrowing herself further into her coat collar.
“I can go, if you want me to…”
I never knew silence could be so loud until this moment, when all I want is to hear her voice again, to hear one single word from her. For her tell me to stay.
The longer it drags on with only the sounds of the ocean filling the tremendous distance between us now, even though we stand so close that our arms are almost touching, the more confident I am that she will ask me to leave.
She certainly has every right to.
Especially today…
But when she finally speaks, still refusing to look at me, there isn’t any malice in her tone. Only sadness. “It’s okay. You deserve to be here as much as I do.”
The way her voice cracks makes that lump in my throat swell, and I swallow thickly, trying to break through it before I go and say or do something stupid.
Ivy inhales deeply, her chest rising under her thick coat, then lets it out slowly, arms still wrapped tightly around herself. Her eyes finally drift over to me, and they don’t hold any apparent anger. “Happy birthday.”
I wince at the words.
Not because I don’t think she genuinely means them but because nothing will ever be happy about this day again.
My chest tightens, squeezing my heart painfully as I remember all those years of birthday parties I shared with Drew. Three decades of joy and love that I destroyed so completely. “Thank you, but it’s hard to think of this day ever being happy.”
Not when it’s the first one without Drew. The first one living with the guilt of what I’ve caused, bearing the weight of what I’ve cost all of us…
The breeze picks up, the icy chill making me shiver. Ivy does, too, shifting in her riding boots and rubbing her hands over her covered arms.
I can’t help but let my gaze drift down to her belly.
With the oversized coat on, it’s hard to see the swell, but I know it’s there.
It has to be by now.
Drew’s child—my niece or nephew—growing inside of her.
And who will never know their father.
Tears burn my eyes, and I blink them away, trying to clear the emotion from my throat yet again, and at the same time, I struggle to figure out what to say.
What can I?
