Page 33 of My Sweetest Obsession
Too many unintended consequences…
She shakes her head. “So, I don’t know why I asked Nancy to get you here. I guess because I don’t want this baby to lose his or her uncle when its father is already gone, and the last time I saw you…”
Her words trail off as I force myself to inhale through the crushing weight in my chest.
The last time she saw me, I was a fucking wreck.
Completely unable to cope with the guilt and shame that overwhelmed me.
And truth be told, I’m not much better today than I was that night.
But now that Ivy has seen me like that, that’s all she’ll ever see.
She won’t see the man who has held her and made love to her. She won’t see the man she said helped her survive during those weeks we spent together mourning Drew. She won’t see anything but the addict who was ready to shove a needle into his vein to make it all stop…and who killed the man she loved, the father of her child.
Ivy reaches out and takes the ultrasound photo from me. “You seemed ready to jump off a cliff with no parachute, and I thought…maybe this”—she trails her fingers across the image—“would be your reason never to try that again. Maybe knowing you have a niece or nephew coming will be your parachute if you ever feel like you’re falling again.”
A tear slips from my eye, leaving a hot trail down my cheek. I reach up and wipe it away, my heart shattering at the intensity of her words and the emotion behind them.
Because she still cares.
Even after everything that’s happened, everything I’ve done, she still doesn’t want me to do something I can’t take back, despite her having every right to.
“Does this mean…” I swallow the hope that starts to swell inside me, because I’m pretty sure I know what her answer’s going to be. “Does this mean you’re going to let me be in this baby’s life?”
Because God knows I won’t be part of hers otherwise.
And selfishly, I want that, too.
I want her, too.
Any way I can have her.
She glances down at her stomach, resting her hands over it protectively, like she already needs to defend her unborn child against the chaos I’ve brought to her life and the misery I’ve caused. “I don’t know, Cam. I just…knew I needed to tell you.” Her eyes clench closed, and she releases a shaky breath. “I can’t think about that right now, can’t think about anything. I’m still just trying to process all of this without completely losing my grip.”
Her voice cracks, and with it, so does my ability to keep my emotions in check.
I push up from my chair, shoving my hands through my hair and scanning over her, taking in every detail in case I never see her again.
There’s so much more I want to say. So many things I can’t put into words as I stare down at her and the ultimate result of my actions still clutched in her hand.
The night I caused Drew’s death, they finally got everything they ever wanted…
Their miracle…
And he’s not going to be here to see it.
The only thing that keeps me upright and prevents me from crumpling to the floor is not wanting Ivy to see me like that. Not wanting her to know the depths of my grief and guilt or how completely unsteady I am. Not wanting her to see me so unhinged that she continues to worry about me.
She’s already seen where it’s driven me and how bad it can get…
I swallow through another sob, finally forcing myself to say something. “I’m…really happy for you…that you have this piece of him.”
And I truly mean it.
Ivy deserves all the happiness in the world.
And maybe…
