Page 1 of My Sweetest Obsession
1
CAM
Agony ten times worse than any withdrawal symptoms I’ve ever suffered sears through me, gutting me open and flaying me alive with the knowledge that I have to come clean now.
There is no more hiding what I’ve done.
My vision blurs, hot tears filling my eyes as the alcohol burns in my gut. “I have two things to tell you.” The first one pulls my lips into a sad smile because this is the worst possible time, the worst possible place, the worst possible circumstances to be saying it. “One will make you hate me; the other…will make you despise me.”
Ivy’s tear-filled eyes narrow on me, consumed with so much confusion and concern—and a warmth I never thought I would see there after I told her the truth behind what had caused my rift with Drew.
I never believed she could forgive me for what I did, and the time I’ve gotten to spend with her, the past few nights, was more than I ever deserved.
Even after everything I just told her, she still cares so much it fucking hurts because I’m the last person she should care about, the last person she should be feeling anything for but hate.
She sets down the doll and starts to push to her feet. “I could never hate you, let alone despise you, Cam.”
I want so badly to believe her, to be able to luxuriate in the fact that this woman feels so much for me that she believes it when she says it.
But it isn’t real.
Her declaration is only made because she doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know the depths of my depravity or what it cost both of us.
Holding up my hand to stop her from coming to me, I shake my head as a sob tears from my chest. My next sharp breath draws her honeysuckle scent into my lungs, making this a thousand times more painful. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”
She clutches her fists to her chest, confusion furrowing her brow as she shakes her head, sending her dark hair floating around her. “There’s nothing you ever could have done that I can’t forgive, Cam.”
Those words are another twist of the knife driven into my heart today, the one that’s left me wounded and bleeding out here on the floor, desperate enough to find a way to end the pain that I resorted to things I swore I would never touch again.
I offer her a sad smile, knowing what she said isn’t true. Some things are unforgivable, even for someone whose soul is as beautiful and generous as Ivy’s, and this is one of them, which makes this confession a thousand times harder. “I’ve been in love with you since the moment I first laid eyes on you…”
Finally saying those words should be a relief.
I’ve waited so long to tell her. Held it inside for years while I tried to drown those feelings any way I could—with booze, drugs, women. Seeking out anything to kill that soul-deep need for the woman I only met once, who I barely knew, who I shouldn’t want. Because it had already cost me Drew, and I knew it was costing me so much more each time I shoved a needle into my arm.
But all I feel is agony that even the copious amount of whiskey I’ve drunk can’t alleviate.
Ivy’s brow furrows, soft eyes searching my face for some explanation she won’t find there because she could never guess something this horrific. “Why would I hate you for that?”
Because it ruined everything.
Because it’s why we’re here like this—both suffering.
Because it’s why Drew isn’t here.
“Because”—I heave in a breath, tears falling down my cheeks in endless waves—“it makes the second thing seem…calculated.”
Ivy trembles, still kneeling in front of me, the damn G.I. Joe lying on the floor between us as if Drew himself is sitting here and waiting for me to finally confess everything. Fear now coats her gaze, mixed with the other emotions I saw earlier. “You’re scaring me…”
Good.
Finally.
All the warnings I’ve given her to stay away, assurances that she wants nothing to do with me or my life, will finally make sense.
Because it’s time she knows the truth.
All of it.
