Page 18 of My Sweetest Obsession
It should have been me.
That truth has haunted me endlessly the past few months.
There were so many times I cheated death, when I came close to the final sleep because of too much booze or mixing volatile concoctions that should have taken me from this world. Yet he was taken. The person who literally saved lives for a living, who took care of everyone else, even to his own detriment.
How is any of that fair?
My thumbs hover over the keyboard.
I’m definitely not okay.
I’m self-aware enough to know that.
But having her here wouldn’t change anything.
Drew will still be gone…
Ivy will still be lost to me…
I’ll still know it was all my fault…
Releasing a ragged breath, I fire off my reply.
I’m fine. Have you spoken to her?
I don’t need to tell Mom who “her” is.
As despondent as I have felt since I opened that box, Ivy has it a thousand times worse.
She opened that door for me.
She gave me the key.
She invited me into her home and into her life.
She welcomed me into her heart when I had no business being there.
And I crushed what hope she had left.
I can’t even imagine what she must be feeling right now, how bad it has gotten for her…
Bile climbs my throat just thinking about what she’s suffering, and I swallow it down, clenching my phone tightly as I wait to hear even a single word about how she’s doing.
It took all my willpower and strength not to go over there today to check on her, to ensure she’s all right, even though I know she never will be again.
The only thing that held me back was Mom’s assurance that she was going to do it and reminder that Ivy would make it very clear if and when she was ready to see me.
Which certainly isn’t now.
The little bubbles tell me Mom is typing a reply, but they go on for so long it’s clear she is choosing her words carefully. When the message finally pops up on the screen, my hand tightens on my phone.
I went over there earlier. She’s understandably upset. Marlo is with her. I’ll keep checking on her.
And you.
She didn’t have to say the words for me to understand the meaning: Ivy is in as bad a shape as I imagined.
And that demon whispers again…
