Page 74 of My Sweetest Obsession
Because there isn’t anything left to say.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t right now.
I grab the rest of my clothes and walk out without looking back because if I do, she will see the tears streaming down my cheeks, and she will know just how much hearing her say that broke me.
23
IVY
ONE MONTH LATER
Marlo pulls her car into the driveway and throws it into park, and I stare at the house that already feels so empty even before I’ve set foot back into it.
My chest tightens at the thought of going in there to be alone again after spending the weekend with her.
Mostly because I know it won’t take very long before temptation comes calling again.
To text him.
To send that single little word, the only one I’ve been able to use when it comes to asking for what I want—PLEASE.
How can something so simple as that word be so complicated?
Because we’ve made it that way.
Because I have.
By repeatedly asking him to come fulfill my needs and take my pleasure while he never does himself, when I can see what it’s doing to him to keep sliding into my bed—and me—only to walk away with a hard cock and barely restrained tears shimmering in his eyes.
Yet, I can’t stop asking him to come.
I can’t stop wanting him here.
“Thanks again for coming with me.”
Shit.
I drag my gaze from the house and glance at Marlo, hoping she didn’t notice how zoned out I just was. “No, thanks for inviting me. Really, I needed this.”
When she first suggested heading to New York for a long weekend to see a Broadway show, have some great food, and sight-see, I hadn’t exactly been on board for a multitude of reasons. Not the least of which was the thought of going somewhere like that to pretend my life hasn’t fallen apart seemed wrong. And I hadn’t believed for a moment that I would be able to forget everything that has happened—especially recently with Cam—and actually enjoy myself.
But she had insisted.
And when Marlo sets her mind to something, she usually gets it.
She wore me down with promises of delicious pizza, Wicked, and shopping for things for the baby we would never be able to find here in Philly.
It was that last item that really hit me square in the chest and pushed me over the edge of accepting her invitation—because I haven’t been able to bring myself to begin even thinking about all the things I need to do for this baby’s arrival.
Our daughter will be here soon…
Sooner than I am ready for.
Because every time I open a website to start shopping for all the things I’ll need to convert the guest room into a nursery and all the items necessary to actually take care of a newborn, I get so overwhelmed that I feel like I can’t breathe.
And I can’t tell Nancy.
She’ll think I’m not happy about this baby, that I don’t see her for what she is—a miracle. A tiny piece of Drew and a reminder of our love that will be with me forever. And I can’t ever let her think that.
