Page 11 of My Sweetest Obsession
“But what?” Her voice wavers, and I can already see her starting to crumble with the reality of what’s happened, of what’s been hidden from her for so long, of the lie Drew must have been telling her and Ivy.
“I couldn’t forget her, Mom.” My voice cracks, and I swallow through the emotions clogging my throat. “And I couldn’t forget what I’d done to Drew and how I ruined our relationship forever.” Staring into my coffee, I remember those days, months, years, and all the horrible things I did during them. “I tried to drown myself in anything and everything to deal with the guilt and the…obsession…I had with her.” I swallow thickly. “Booze, women”—I meet her gaze—“drugs.”
She flinches as if I’ve slapped her. “No.” Her hands tighten into fists on the counter, and she shakes her head. “You didn’t…”
I nod, rubbing at the back of my neck where my skin suddenly itches with the memory. “What had been occasional recreational use turned into something else before I even realized it.”
Mom’s bottom lip trembles as she assesses me. “Your father was an alcoholic…”
My spine stiffens. “What?”
She gives me a sad smile. “You two were so young, and he was away training or on deployments so much that I was able to shelter you from the worst of it most of the time. I’m surprised you don’t remember something, though.”
Memories of my early childhood rush back.
Days spent on the beach with Dad.
Trips to Max’s for cheesesteaks.
Playing catch in the yard.
Swimming and splashing.
But a few others push their way to the forefront…
Dad “asleep” on the couch and being unable to wake him.
Mom telling us we had to get out of the house for a while because Dad needed some “alone” time.
And thinking about it now, with the benefit of my own experiences, I know what those mean, and it puts so many events of my childhood into a new light.
“I…I didn’t realize anything was wrong back then.”
She presses her lips together. “Your dad struggled with what he saw and did during his deployments. He didn’t know how to handle it in a healthy way.” Her hands twist together in front of her. “He was a good man and a great father, but he had demons, Cam.” She chokes back a sob. “I had hoped you and your brother wouldn’t go down that same road, but?—”
Her head shakes, and she lifts her hand to cover her mouth, unable to finish her statement.
“I had no idea.” I run a hand over my face, my temples still throbbing and my mind reeling with this new revelation. “I don’t think knowing would have changed anything, Mom. I spent years like that, moving through life like a zombie, looking for any way not to feel any of that anymore, but they were all I could think about. And then you told me they had gotten engaged.”
Her breath catches, as if she’s anticipating where this is going and can already see the crash before it happens.
“And I realized I couldn’t let her marry him without knowing…”
“Knowing what?”
I lift my shoulders and let them fall. “Knowing if it would have changed anything if she had known it was me that night. But I also realized what a fucking disaster I was; that I didn’t stand a chance at getting her if I went to her the way I was. So, I went to rehab.”
She places a hand over her heart, like it hurts badly enough that she physically needs to try to keep it together in her chest. “You were in rehab?”
I nod as the tears stream down her cheeks.
“And you never told me?”
A sob slips up my throat, remembering how alone I felt, how hard it was to go through all of that without Drew and her or really anyone to support me.
I shake my head, the tears threatening to spill from my eyes. “I couldn’t because then I would have had to tell you why and…” I swallow back another sob. “I just couldn’t. So…” I clear my throat. “When I got out, I knew I had to start wrapping things up in London. I found someone to run the gallery for me, made plans to ship everything back here, but then the invitation came.”
Her brow furrows. “What invitation?”
