Page 63 of Maybe This Christmas
She stowed her laptop in the bag by her feet.“I’m hoping that this line of questioning is coming from a place of concern, and not because you’re having second thoughts about me moving to town.”She turned toward the window.“Because as much as I’ve been having fun, this really isn’t about you, Caleb.I’m doing this for me.”
Heat flashed across his cheeks.How had he fucked this up so quickly?He hadn’t meant to make her doubt herself.“That’s not what I meant at all, Emma.I guess I’m just practical to a fault.This may not be about me.Fine, I get that.But you won’t exactly be a stranger.”
She folded her hands in her lap.“If you didn’t want me to do this, you should’ve said so sooner.”
This wasn’t a conversation they should have while navigating tricky mountain roads.
Caleb pulled the van into a scenic lookout parking lot.“That’s not what I’m saying at all.I’m just flustered.This is how I get.I just want to be sure you’re making the right choice.I don’t want you to have any regrets.”
“I think the biggest regrets are the things you never did anyway.It’s better to try and fail than regret not trying.”
“You’re right, and I’m sorry.”
She took a moment to respond, her gaze focused on the view ahead of them.Even obstructed with fog and snow, the mountains were beautiful.
“You have to see it from my side.You came at me more than a little bit sideways, Caleb.”
He reached over to grab her knee.“I realize that now.We don’t exactly know each other as well as it feels.That’s all this is.Ask Sebastian.He’ll tell you about the two months it took me to decide where I wanted to go to college.I papered my bedroom with color-coded Post-its with the pros and cons for each school.In the end, I ended up going to Tech because I got a partial scholarship.So, all that overthinking was for nothing.Somehow, I still end up doing it, though.”
She leaned back into her seat and kicked a leg up.“I’m not exactly the type to make decisions like this, either.But I’m kind of under the gun.I have no life to go back to in DC now.I need to decide what my next step is.I’d much rather choose adventure than a slightly different variation of the same old life I was living.”
“I think we’re both saying that we want you to be sure.I’m sorry if I got flustered and the words got all mixed up on the way out.”
She reached for his knee and gave it a squeeze.“I appreciate you looking out for me, Caleb.Now, we should get moving.I have a feeling Sebastian doesn’t care for tardiness.”
Caleb chuckled as he put the van in gear.“You’d be right about that.”
* * * *
Emma couldn’t shake off the weird feeling left by her conversation with Caleb.Even after he explained his very rational train of thought, she couldn’t help but wonder if it was a roundabout way of telling her that he didn’t want her hanging around after the new year.
She was probably reading too much into it.It’s not like this would be her first time overthinking things.But when he didn’t stick around for the meeting, instead saying he had to go next door to go over some documents for Ellis & Daughter, her worrying escalated.His reaction was proof that no matter how well they’d meshed since meeting, they really were just strangers.
Sebastian sighed as he scrolled through the financial information she’d prepared for him.
“Try not to look so dour, please,” Emma said.
He took off his reading glasses and closed the laptop.“For someone with no background in business, I’m surprised at how good the first draft of your business plan is.”
“Okay, that’s positive.So why the sighing?”She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans.
“I think you’ll have difficulty obtaining a business loan.Meaning you’d have to drain your savings if you wanted to go this route.”
Panic scratched up Emma’s throat.She’d been a saver since she’d first realized that her belongings could be thrown into a trash bag at any time.Hoisted into the back of many social workers’ cars, she’d realized no one would have her back except her.Knowing she had that money in the bank was how she slept at night.
“Not even with the monthly inheritance check I receive from my foster parents?Doesn’t that count as income?”Ma and Pa Henderson had left an inheritance to all the kids.It was hardly enough to live on, but it was part of her monthly income.
“It’s still not enough.”
Her lower lip wobbled.Today really was about smashing the happy daydream she’d been living.She’d been stupid to think that she could achieve something like this on her own.Now what was she going to do?
“I guess that’s that, then.Back to DC I go.”
Gretchen stopped by to place a cinnamon roll in front of her before disappearing again.
“No one is saying that, Emma.You might need help that the banks can’t provide.”
She shoved the cinnamon roll into her mouth.“I don’t exactly have anyone who can swoop in and save the day.It’s just me.”
