Page 84 of Blood & Snow
He settles across from me, and I can smell his cologne mixed with cigarette smoke and the faint chemical tang of the cleaning supplies weused.
The glass he hands me is half full, easily three shots that will knock me out for the day.
"You did good work tonight," he says, taking a sip.
The praise catches me off guard.
Usually, he pays me and sends me home with one word of acknowledgement.
But tonight is different from our typical interactions.
"It was messier than usual," I reply, testing the vodka with a small sip.
The alcohol burns down my throat.
"The Brotherhood is getting sloppy. There were a lot of needless victims tonight."
His pale eyes stay fixed on my face.
"You noticed the shell casings."
I had.
With eleven men dead and at least five men on Xander's team, it was a blood bath.
None of them stood a chance.
I'm surprised he walked out with a few blood splatters on his shirt and nothing more.
My hand is heavy with fatigue as I lift it to my lips to sip.
"They must be very bad men to earn this punishment… or else your boss…" I can't finish what I'm saying.
To admit what Xander is aloud, to say audibly what he represents, what his boss represents, would be to confess that I'm a bad person.
I know being with him, following his orders, it's not something I have a choice to do.
If I walk away, I die.
But that's not why I'm staying and I know it now.
He hasn't had to threaten me once in weeks.
"Leonid is a hard man,Ptichka. I have to follow orders just like you. If I fail…"
His head tucks, and for a split second, I see the man hiding under the weight of the world.
Xander has as much weight on his shoulders as he has applied to mine, and I find myself wanting to fix that for him.
I know I never can. The men he works with and for are monsters.
They won't even pause to think what's right or wrong if it came to killing either of us.
They look at us as assets or liabilities and nothing more.
I set the vodka down, slide out of the coat and leave my mother's shawl on the table, then walk around to him, and as I approach, he sits straighter, offering me the opportunity to slide onto his lap.
Straddling him, I cup his rugged face in my palms and press a kiss to his lips.
