Page 39 of Blood & Snow
"Don't I have the right?"
Anger flares in my chest, hot and sudden.
"You destroyed my life the night you put that gun to my head and forced me to clean up your mess."
"I gave you employment when you were desperate. I pay you more than you would make anywhere else."
He steps closer, gray eyes fixed on mine.
"How exactly did I destroy your life?"
"By making me complicit in murder. By turning me into a criminal. By forcing me to lie to the people I love most."
My voice rises with each accusation.
"My mother would be ashamed of me. I wasn't supposed to turn out like this."
I feel the quiver in my lip as I bite back more accusations.
"You were supposed to be a lot of things before your mother got cancer and died."
His words cut deep, targeting the guilt I carry about abandoning school.
"Reality changed your plans. I simply offered alternatives."
I hate his calm demeanor.
If I were less of a person, like him, I would take one of his hidden guns and shoot him just to have my freedom.
"Alternatives? You threatened to kill me if I refused."
"And yet you keep answering when I call."
He takes another step closer.
"No one forces you to pick up that phone, Nadya. No one holds a gun to your head anymore."
My blood is boiling because he knows that's not true.
If I don't answer that phone one time, my brains will be splattered all over Irina's walls, and maybe hers too.
"I hate you," I whisper, and I let my chin drop.
If I toss that phone in the river and try to vanish, he will hurt my family.
And if I tell Irina the truth and we try to run, she'll never forgive me.
I'm stuck.
"No, you don't."
He reaches out and touches my face, thumb brushing across my cheek.
"You hate that you want me."
The contact sends electricity through my body and I stiffen.
Feeling his touch makes loathsome shame wash through every cell of my being, but I find myself unable to back away.
