Page 175 of Blood & Snow

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I cry for myself, because I don't know if either of us will survive the night.

Time passes.

The cold presses in.

My tears dry on my cheeks, leaving tracks through the dirt and blood.

I lean my head back against the wall and close my eyes.

I think of Xander.

His gray eyes.

His rough hands.

I think of the child.

The tiny life inside me that I didn't plan for, didn't ask for, but would die to protect.

I think of Anya and Mikhail and Irina.

My sister, who warned me this would happen.

Who told me I was making a mistake.

She was right.

But it's too late now.

I open my eyes and stare at the door.

Somewhere out there, Xander's coming for me.

He's loading guns and gathering men and preparing to walk into certain death.

Because of me.

Because I was stupid enough to answer a help-wanted ad.

Stupid enough to jump into bed with a man who kills people for a living.

Stupid enough to fall for him.

I press my hand to my stomach again.

I whisper to the child I can't feel yet, the child who might not survive long enough to be born.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"I'm so sorry."

I close my eyes and try to breathe through my nose.

I have to survive.

I have to find a way out of this.

For the child.

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