Page 125 of Blood & Snow
He gunned down his former cleaner in cold blood.
Why is he hugging me?
Telling me he understands.
"Xan…" I choke out, pushing away from him.
"Let's get you home now," he says, taking my hand.
He leads me back across the broken glass and into the alleywhere the car awaits us.
When we slide into the back seat, his hand grips my thigh as he orders the driver to return to my apartment.
All I can do is shake, wondering if I've just signed my own execution orders.
And maybe my family's too.
21
XANDER
The driver takes off toward Nadya's apartment but the coil of rage in my chest only grows tighter.
She sits sniffling beside me, arms curled over her stomach as she stares out the window.
She can't do this to me.
Leonid warned me that she would be a liability, but I thought we connected.
I thought we were going somewhere.
And just when I started to realize that I love her she decides to go all noble on me.
Watching me eliminate that courier was just too much for her.
She can't handle it.
I thought she could and I didn't shelter her softer side from the darker things.
She wants to be like one of the guys, and while she's not like the women in this world who ignore the dirty side of the business, she's not cut out to handle the darkness that dwells inside me.
"Are you going to kill me?" she asks between sniffles, head still turned toward the window.
I imagine that's what she thinks.
My last cleaner ended up in a puddle of his own blood when he tried to buy his way out but I can't do that to her.
Not if I intend to live with myself.
"Not if I don’t have to…" is the only answer I can give her.
Leonid will make a move before I ever will, and I'm not sure how I'll handle it when he does.
Because he will.
Nadya knows too much.
She's a walking encyclopedia of my crimes.
