Page 34 of Discover Me
"Yeah, well. It's complicated." That's the understatement of the century.
We chat for a few more minutes before Jamie has to go, something about his mom needing help with yard work. I hang up feeling a little better, a little more grounded. Jamie's normalcy helps balance out the weirdness of my current situation.
But I still feel antsy and hot, like my skin doesn't fit right. The lounge suddenly feels too small, too confining. I need to movearound, see more of this building that Kellan spends so much time in.
A young Beta woman pokes her head into the lounge, her expression friendly. "Micah? Tom asked me to give you a tour if you're interested. Show you around the facility."
"Sure." I stand, grateful for the distraction. "That'd be great."
She introduces herself as Amber, an assistant who's been working here for about a year. Her enthusiasm is immediate and overwhelming as we start walking, her voice filling the hallway with constant chatter.
"The band is incredible," Amber gushes as we pass through corridors. "I've been a fan for years. Got this job specifically to be near them. Jordan's voice is amazing live, have you heard him without all the studio production? And Rex is so talented, he can play like six instruments. Liam's great too, very professional."
She pauses at a door, her expression shifting to something almost envious. "I'm so jealous, honestly. Kellan was the only one not taken but now you're all packed up together. All four of them in relationships. It's like the end of an era for fans."
I tune her out mostly, unwrapping another Tootsie Roll and letting her words wash over me without really absorbing them. We walk past practice rooms, recording studios, offices filled with people working on laptops. The building is bigger than I expected, a maze of hallways and rooms all dedicated to creating and selling music.
"Those are the worst candies," Amber comments, noticing my Tootsie Roll. "Way too sticky. I'll make sure they stock something better in the lounge. Maybe some of those fancy chocolates or something."
"I like them," I say, maybe more defensively than necessary.
Amber launches into explaining all the practice rooms as we pass them, pointing out which bands use which spaces, droppingnames I don't recognize. Then we pass a room where I can see through the small window in the door, and I stop walking.
Kellan sits behind his drum kit, sticks in hand, completely absorbed in what he's doing. Rex and Liam stand with their guitars, working through something. Jordan's at the microphone, his posture relaxed. They're not playing a full song, just sections, stopping and starting as they work out details.
Kellan seems lighter as he plays than he did on stage. His shoulders are loose, his expression focused but not tense. This is him doing what he loves, without the pressure of an audience or the weight of Tom's expectations. Just four musicians working together to create something.
I smile, watching through the window. This is what he was describing yesterday at the lake, the joy of just making music without all the other bullshit attached to it.
"Come on, there's so many other things to see." Amber tugs at my good arm, breaking my concentration.
I follow reluctantly, throwing one last look at Kellan before we turn a corner. Amber continues her tour, showing me administrative offices and storage areas and the cafeteria where staff eat lunch. Then we head up a few steps to what looks like a storage level, dimmer and dustier than the pristine floors below.
"This is where they keep old set decorations and equipment," Amber explains, pointing at various items covered in sheets. "Some of it's from their first tour. It's like a museum up here."
She weaves between prop pieces and band equipment, clearly comfortable in the space. I follow more carefully, my ribs protesting the stairs we just climbed. The cast on my arm makes navigating the cluttered space awkward.
Amber stops near the back wall and crouches down, pulling open a small door in the floor I didn't even notice. "And this is the secret passageway! Leads down to the backstage area. It's super cool, bands used to use it for surprise entrances."
She climbs down a ladder that appears beyond the door, her movements quick and confident. The ladder wobbles slightly under her weight, the metal creaking.
I stare at it, frozen.
The wobbling ladder. The sound of metal groaning. Images flood my mind. Derek and Colt at the bottom, shaking the ladder. The sickening moment when it started to lean. The terror of falling, of knowing you're about to hit the ground hard. The jagged metal tearing through my skin. The impact that stole my breath and broke my bones.
"Come on, it's not that hard!" Amber's voice echoes up from below, but it almost sounds muffled and distant.
I can't move. My feet are rooted to the floor, my good hand gripping the edge of the doorway so hard my knuckles pale. My breath comes faster and shallower, my ribs protesting each rapid inhale. The room tilts and spins, reality blurring with memory.
"Micah?" Amber's voice sounds concerned now. "You okay up there?"
I'm not okay. I'm very much not okay. The fall continues to play out in my mind in perfect, horrible detail. I'm losing myself to the panic in my head, drowning in it, unable to breathe or think or move.
Kellan
We just finished practicing and I feel the best I've felt in weeks. The music flowed today, my rhythm tight and clean. No mistakes, no false starts, just pure drumming without the weight of Tom's expectations crushing me. My hands don't even hurt despite the two-hour session, the familiar calluses protecting my palms from the constant impact.
Jordan and Liam joke about how relaxed I look as we start packing up equipment. Jordan coils cables with practiced efficiency while Liam carefully places his guitar in its case.
