Page 34 of Three Pucking Words
Now…maybe it really is.
The crack in my heart that my divorce left behind stretches, deepening the wound at the unknown certainties of my future.
Puck rests his chin on my leg, bringing my attention downward. “Hi, buddy,” I greet, stroking my fingers through his curly, thick fur. “I’m okay. Just a little sad, that’s all.”
His tail slowly wags as he picks his head up and licks my hand. On days like these, he doubles as a therapy dog.
“What do you think? Would you want a little human sibling someday?” I ask, fighting the frown that comes with the question.
All Puck does is lick my hand again before resting his chin on my leg and looking up at me with his big round dark eyes.
My phone lights up with an unsaved number on the screen that pulls my attention from Puck’s concerned gaze.
I stand to grab water from the fridge as I press the cell to my ear. “Hello?”
“Hey,” a deep, familiar voice replies. It sends goosebumps down my arms that I choose to blame on the draft from the refrigerator. “It’s Bodhi.”
My hold on the water bottle tightens as I close the door and walk into the living room. “Hi…?” The greeting sounds more like a question, making me wince as I make myself comfortable on the couch.
Bodhi’s soft chuckle fills the receiver. “I’m calling about our plans tonight since I didn’t get a chance to see you at work before you left. I’m dropping Gemma off at four, then figured I could pick you up around six thirty and get some takeout on the way to my place. Does that work for you?”
I may or may not have been avoiding him this week because the nerves of my appointment were palpable. Not that it was hard. We don’t exactly cross paths that often unless he actively finds excuses to be on my side of the building. Like when he delivers bread. Or when he left a Post-it note on my desk that contained his phone number so we could make plans. I’d turned red when Karina watched me slide the paper into my purse without entering the digits into my phone.
The thought of spending time with Bodhi made me jittery for reasons that extended beyond my appointment with Dr. Hobart.Adding his phone number into my cell felt like territory I’m not ready for. Thankfully, Karina didn’t broach the topic afterward. She’d simply asked me to go through my camera roll for images we could post to our website’s weekly game reel and walked into her office with a small, secretive smile.
“I had a doctor’s appointment,” I explain weakly. An appointment I really don’t want to think about right now. “I had to leave early to…”Wait a minute.“Did you say takeout?”
Did he sayhis place?
“Gemma has a sleepover tonight,” he tells me, reminding me that he has a parental role I may never get. My stomach drops when that realization hits, and tears blur my vision.
Do not cry,I tell myself.You haven’t decided what to do yet.
I force my attention back on what Bodhi is saying on the other end of the phone, furiously swiping at the few fallen tears that escape their ducts. “…like to be home in case there’s an emergency. This is her first time staying over at a friend’s place. She’s used to going back and forth between me and her grandparents, but this is different. If I get stuck somewhere in the city, it’ll take me twice as long to get to her.”
I can’t argue with logic, so suggesting we go somewhere else is pointless. Which is why the only meager answer I give him is, “Oh.”
“Unless you want to reschedule,” he offers knowingly.
And damn do I ever. But what is the alternative? Sitting here in my feels on the verge of a mental breakdown isn’t going to get me anywhere. Neither is googling what hysterectomies are like or how expensive adoption is. If I stay home, I’ll only sink deeper into the black hole my heart is slowly being sucked into. Getting his help will be a welcome distraction. At the very least, it’ll put me at a better advantage at work.
“No,” I say with an internal sigh, rubbing a hand down my damp face. I hate crying, but it’s been a regular part of my lifeover the past year when I had to come to terms with moving out of the house I shared with Max, coming back to New York, and starting over. It was scary. Itstillis. But I’m doing it, and I’m okay.
I’m okay,I repeat to myself, a little more firmly.
Swallowing, I wet my lips. “Sorry. It’s been a long day, but I’m still on for tonight.”
“Is everything all right?” he asks, his voice softer than before.
No.The two-letter word is at the tip of my tongue, but I can’t make it come out. Because then I’d have to explain why I’m not okay, even if I keep telling myself I am, and the state of uterus is probably the last thing my father’s right-winger wants to hear about.
So, I clear my throat in hopes my reply won’t come out watery. “It will be” is the only thing I can come up with. I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason. I may not get why I’m going through this, but it’ll work out exactly how it’s meant to.
Bodhi doesn’t push it. “What kind of food are you feeling? There’s a great Thai place near me. I eat there way too often, so I get some pretty solid deals.”
I can’t help but snort. “As if you need a discount,” I muse. If google is correct about his net worth, he’s not struggling to make ends meet.
He chuckles. “I was born to be frugal. My mother made me help her cut coupons growing up, and I still check weekly deals when I go shopping. Apparently, that doesn’t change even when you have a good contract.”
