Page 94 of Three Pucking Words
By December, the curiosity eats at me. “I thought you wanted to go out with me,” I blurt as we skate around the ice rink at Bryant Park. The outburst has my face heating, which has little to do with the nipping air. “I mean, you always say that our dates aren’t really dates and I don’t get it. Youasked meon a date but won’t take me on whatever that is for you.”
Amusement flickers across his face as we come to a stop off to the side. “Be honest with me,” he begins, leaning his elbows and back against the wall. “How many dates have you been on since Max?”
He must already know that by now. “None.”
He hums. “How many times have you gone on dates in general?”
I wet my lips, wondering where this line of questioning is going. “Not many.”
His fingers tilt my chin up. “Hey. That’s okay, honey. In fact, it makes me real fucking happy that you don’t have a lot of experience. Do you know how hard I had to restrain from doing something I was going to regret to the douchebag who got to marry you?”
I wince. “Like hit him?”
His lips stretch into a smile. “I’m glad it was you who got a solid smack in. I bet it felt great.”
It totally did. Not the point, though. “I don’t know what any of this has to do with why you’re not calling our dates, dates.”
His chuckle is light, causing his cold breath to cloud in front of him. “I want you to be comfortable with the idea of us dating, Honor. Not going ononedate, because I want more than that. I want a lifetime of them, if you’ll have me. I want to watch bad movies with you and go out to dinner. I want us to take Gemma out, even if it’s to the aquarium for the millionth time to see Chuck the Octopus. I don’t want you to be scared of the possibility of getting hurt by another man. I will do everything in my power to not put you through the same shit he did. You have my word. My heart. And I’ll do anything to prove it.”
I stare at him for so long that my eyeballs sting from the cool air. “You…” I let out a short breath and shake my head. Does he know how one-of-a-kind he is? I’ve never met another man like Bodhi Hoffman before, and I know I never will. “So all of the nights we’ve gone out have been what exactly?”
He shrugs easily. “Practice dates.”
Practice dates.A confused but amused laugh bursts past my lips. “And when do you think I’ll be ready to finally get a real one?”
He leans down and presses a kiss to my cheek, making my shoulders tense despite the anticipation of his lips being on meagain. Bodhi hasn’t made a move since pumpkin carving at his house, and I’ve been pent up waiting for him to after each of our dates. He never does. Not even when he walks me and Puck to my door after dropping us off.
“When you’re ready,” he tells me against my cheek before drawing away. “Only you’ll know when that is.”
I don’t understand him at all. I meant what I said to Max. I’m done. I have no feelings, other than anger, toward him. My marriage is over, and I’ve seen Max’s true colors enough to move on without looking back.
“I don’t want to be with him,” I tell Bodhi as he adjusts the yellow scarf around my neck that Helen told him to give me. She knitted it herself. Bodhi has a matching one in blue.
“I’m happy to hear that” is all he says in reply.
I want to frown. Maybe even stomp my foot like a first grader. Because why would he assume I’m not ready? Why would he give me more time when we both want this?
He extends his hand. “Let’s keep skating. Then we can get hot chocolate after. I know a place for it.”
Of course he does.
I want to argue with him.
Tell him that I want to go out; that I don’t need any more practice dates. I want the real experience. The whole thing. The awkward feeling at the end about if he’s going to make a move. The anticipation of him getting closer and being scared of not being a good enough kisser. I want to feel nervous and excited and scared about letting someone into my life.
I want more than one,he’d said.
And that…that makes my heart dance.
But it also terrifies me.
And that’s when I realize he’s right.
I’mnotready.
Not yet.
I accept his hand and wrap our fingers together. “I should start paying for some of these practice dates,” I tell him as he pulls me back into the rink with the other couples and families.
