Page 41 of Noah
“And avoiding me like the plague,” I snapped. “I haven’t seen you in two week!”
“Funny,” she said, her voice cold. “Because I’ve seen you all over the place.”
Right, that was it. I grabbed her shoulders and backed her up until she hit the trunk of the tree with a soft thud. “You’ve seen me, but didn’t bother to come say hi? What’s the problem? What are you doing?”
She threw my arms off her and stepped around me. “I would have thought that’d be obvious, Noah. I’m staying away from you. Just like you want. Because God knows it always has to be about you.”
“Like I want?” I asked, so surprised I almost forgot how to breathe for a second. “How the fuck do you get there? You think I don’t want to be seen with you?”
She whirled on me, her expression furious. “No, I don’t think you want to be seen with me!” she shouted. “That’s exactly what I think! And before you ask some stupid question like ‘Why,’ I’ll tell you why! Every time we’re together lately you’re either hiding yourself or hiding me! Up on the roof where no one can see. Shoving me into a closet. Pulling me out from in front of the press! you don’t want anyone to see us together because you’re worried about what it will do to your reputation!”
“Because you can’t be seen withme!” I shouted, furious myself. How was she pretending this was my fault? “You’re the one with the rules! Your magazine told you not to fool around with anyone you’re covering, didn’t they? And you’ll lose your job if you break their rules, right? I’m just trying to protect you!”
“Protect me?” she gasped. “Since when do you care about anyone other than yourself? Protectme?”
Oh my God, this was too much.
“I’ve been protecting you since the first day I saw you,” I said quietly. “And I’ve never, ever tried to hide you.”
She had the grace to look slightly ashamed at that. “Then why all the time in the closets? If that’s not hiding me, what is it?”
I almost laughed. “I’m not hiding you, you stupid girl. I’m hidingme. I’m the trouble here. I would never put you in the closet. I’m nothing but proud to be seen with you. You’re the better part of me, and everyone would tell you the same. But that doesn’t work the other way around. I’m no good for you.”
I’d never thought about it that way, but the moment I said it, I knew it was true. Molly was the best of the five of us, and she was head and shoulders better than me. She always had been. People had always wondered why she was friends with me, though I’d hoped she didn’t hear them when they said so.
I’d been terrified she’d agree with them, and leave me.
Oh my God.
She was right.
All this time, I thought I’d been doing it to protect her. But when it came down to it, I’d been worried that she might hear what people were saying and leave me. She might get fired and kicked off the tour... in which case I would be left alone.
The world and my view of it shifted so violently that I almost fell over.
And in typical Molly fashion, she just charged on ahead, not even realizing that my world was changing as we spoke.
“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me and what’s not,” she said quietly.
I shot right back into frustration. Massive realizations about myself would have to wait. “Of course I don’t, because you won’t let me. You’re so freaking convinced you don’t need a hero that you can’t see straight. Sort of like you’re convinced you don’t need to meet your dad, even though that’s what we’ve all been dreaming about since we were kids. You have someone wanting to be your parent, and you’re too stubborn to admit you might actually like it!”
Her face went blank for a moment, but then shot back into anger. “Me? That’s rich, coming from the guy who never keeps anyone around for more than three seconds because he’s so afraid of committing to anyone or getting hurt again. What the fuck isyourproblem? Why don’t you settle down and let someone actually love you? You’re so busy being defensive that you won’t let anyone close!”
Holy God, that one hit me so hard I almost stumbled. Evidently this was the day we told each other all our truths. In which case...
“I would have let you close, Molly. I’ve always wanted you right next to me. But you’re so busy thinking you have to take care of yourself that you’re not willing to let anyone else do it.”
“I don’t trust anyone else to do it,” she said simply. “Because everyone else has let me down.”
I opened my mouth to tell her I never had, knowing she’d argue with me, when I heard a sound coming from my right. I tipped my head and looked in that direction, and heard it again. A sort of snuffling, whining sound that a tree definitely shouldn’t have been making.
I glanced at Molly, who met my eyes, and we moved as one toward the sound. It was coming from a bush growing right up the trunk of the tree, and we both dropped to our knees and started searching through it. I shifted the branches of the bush to the left and right, opening up space for Molly to move into it with her head and shoulders to look.
“What is it?” I whispered.
“No clue. Do you have your phone I don’t have mine.”
“What are you going to do, take a picture of whatever it is for posterity?” I took my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her.
