Page 14 of Guitars and Mistakes
He stood up so suddenly that I slipped right off his lap, his hands catching me before I could fall and twirling me around to face him.
“Because I grew up not far from here and it’s bringing back a whole lot of memories that remind me of exactly who I am. Memories that make me think I’m not good. But that’s not your problem, Sunshine Girl. Let’s get you inside before all that sunshine in you dims.”
He started to walk forward but I put a hand on his chest to stop him. “At some point, Rivers, I’m going to make you tell me who hurt you so badly.”
He stared into my eyes, his own eyes so fathomless I could hardly look into them. But instead of answering immediately, he leaned forward and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to my mouth. I melted into him, wanting to slide my hands up around his neck and hold him there. Wanting this to be the moment when we finally reconnected.
But he pinned my hands to his chest and drew back a moment later.
“Someday, Lila, I will. But not tonight. Come on. It’s past your bedtime and I’m guessing Anna will skin me alive if she finds out I had you out so late on a school night.”
He started walking back toward the hotel, dragging me after him, and after a moment of hesitation I followed him.
Partially because Iwascold.
And partially because he’d just promised that at some point, he’d tell me what was going on. Which meant I just needed to figure out how to make that happen. Hopefully before he succeeded in destroying himself over whatever darkness he thought he had in his soul.
Because that part? The idea that he wasn’t any good, or that he deserved to be alone?
Yeah, I wasn’t buying it. And I wasn’t going to let him buy it, either.
RIVERS
Ireturned Lila to her bedroom like the gentleman I had definitely never been, apologized to Anna when she opened the door glaring at me like she knew exactly who I was—a devil in human clothing—and then turned and went to my room without looking to the left or right. I didn’t want to see anyone else. I definitely didn’t want to spend any time talking to another person.
I wanted to get back to my room with my hand still warm from Lila’s and her memory coloring all of my thoughts. I wanted to climb into my bed with the teddy bear no one in the entire world knew about and spread her through my brain like honey butter, letting her coat every thought and dream in my head.
I mean if you want the absolute truth, I wanted her in my bed with me, her skin pressed against mine and her moans in my ear as I slid into her and showed her exactly how much I adored her. I wanted to hear her laughter at one of my jokes, see that shy smile when I made her feel too much, watch her blush when I got too close to the truth with one of my guesses. I wanted to drink her sunshine down until I was glowing with it.
But I wasn’t the kind of man who got to glow. And I definitely couldn’t take her to bed with me right now. Not when Taylor was trying so hard to make Lila her new pet project. The last thing Lila—or Taylor—needed was me muddying the waters in that regard. Lila and I were pretending to be a couple and that was all there was to it. Anything more was dangerous.
And I wasn’t going to put Lila in danger.
I also wasn’t going to lead her on in regard to my intentions. She deserved someone who would be there for her every step of the way, supporting her on the bad days and celebrating with her on the days when she did something amazing. I wanted to be that man. I would have sold my pathetic, black soul to be that man.
But I wasn’t, and my soul probably wasn’t worth more than five measly pennies at this point.
So for tonight, I’d use the memory of her smile as a balm to my soul. I’d fall asleep to the echo of her laughter and the brush of her lips across my own. I’d let myself have the much, at least.
And tomorrow I’d put myself back into the box I was learning to live in and focus on the things I knew I needed to do to save her from herself.
* * *
The next night,of course, we were back on stage, Anna and Lila once again standing front and center and looking like a couple of deer in the headlights.
Lila turned wide, nervous eyes toward the side of the stage like she was looking for a way out, and I looked that way as well. What was she looking for over there? An exit plan?
If so, she wasn’t going to find one. Taylor was standing there like a fully armed Greek goddess, glowering at the girl like she’d actually kill her on the spot if she even thought about leaving the stage.
I smirked, recognizing the look. I’d been getting that exact same look from Taylor since the day I signed with her and started making her life a living hell. She didn’t take well to nonsense, and she liked it even less when someone dared to question her authority. If Lila wanted the contract Taylor was offering, she was going to get in line and do what she was told.
Which meant, I guessed, that she had to perform tonight the way Taylor wanted her to.
I glanced at the girl in question, wondering if she’d figured that out yet, and found that she’d turned those big eyes from Taylor to me like she was looking for a lifeline. The corner of my mouth twitched at that—what can I say, I didn’thatethe idea of being her hero—and I lifted one eyebrow in question. She caught the movement and narrowed her eyes slightly like she was suddenly annoyed that I’d noticed she was staring at me.
Or maybe she was just annoyed because she thought I was laughing at her.
News flash: I was. But not for the reasons she thought. I didn’t give a single damn that Taylor was making her do something she didn’t want to do, and I cared even less than that about what else Taylor was making her do when it came to her relationship with me. I wasn’t going to get upset that she was up here with my band taking all my face time and cutting into our actual set time. Her music was great and the audience loved her. The guys in the band also liked playing with her and Anna. It gave us all a break from going through the same songs we’d been playing for way too long.
