Page 94 of The Romantic Agenda
It might be too hard for him. He might not be able to push Joy away while looking at her.
“Before I said yes, I made him promise that he’ll always be honest with me and to always talk to mefirst. Any time he feels conflicted or unsure or wants to go to you? I want him to stop and think if it’s something he can talk to me about instead. I want him to give me a fair chance to try to learn how to be who and what he needs in life. His actual partner. For real. Not some runner-up because he knows he has you too.”
“Summer, that’s—”
“Wait. Let me finish, because I realized something else.” Summer exhales in awhoosh, completely emptying her lungs. “The more I thought about everything, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was still wrong. That maybe I wasn’t being any different than Caroline had been. By making Malcolm promise that, Iwasasking him to choose. And then it hit me: it’s notreallyabout who comes first or second. It’s about who Malcolmchoosesto let in. If it’s going to work between us, he has to be willing to let me in too. That’s what I need from him, and I don’t think he’s ever done that before. Not with Caroline or anyone else besides you. He just thinks he has. I want to know therealMalcolm. Good and bad. All of him. Or nothing at all.”
“Well.” Joy leans forward, covering her trembling mouth with her hand. Her jaw and eyes ached from the force of not crying. “I think you might be the first person who decided to not make this into a competition for Malcolm. Me included.”
Summer sits up a little straighter, a tentative smile appearing on her face. “Because it’s not. Accepting Malcolm means accepting you too. As long as you respect me and my boundaries, I promise to always do the same.”
Maybe she and Malcolm wouldn’t have to let go. Maybe Summer is the one they’ve both been waiting for.
“When Malcolm first told me about you, he said it felt different and that you were special. I think he might have been onto something.”
“Really?”
Joy nods. “This might not be as easy as we’re hoping it will, optimism really will only take us so far, but I promise too. All I want is for Malcolm to be happy.”
Summer frowns. “You should want to be happy too.” She makes a show of inhaling and exhaling a few times as if to center herself. “It wasn’t fair of me to say you’re leading Fox on. Instead of talking about Fox like I wanted, I made it about you, when it’s not. What I really wanted to say—no, what I wanted to ask was”—she pauses, hands clenched into determined fists—“please don’t hurt him. When he finds someone he likes it’s usually pretty serious. He likes you. A lot.”
Joy links her hands together, placing them in her lap, and focuses on the trees across the road. She can’t stop the way her thoughts spin around kissing and kissing and kissing and being carried upstairs. A connection lasting longer than a few hours. A feeling with the power to overshadow the despair and pain that comes hand in hand with loving Malcolm. “I like him too.”
“No, Joy.” Summer fidgets, uncomfortable and frustrated. “What I’m saying is that helikesyou—as in he would want todateyou. That kind of like. So if you’re just flirting with him for fun, please don’t. Please stop. Because it’s real to him.”
Joy lets that roll off her back. Ace people could date same as everyone else. Did she suddenly forget Malcolm is ace too? “All right, well, since we’re laying everything out on the table, I should tell you, it’s not entirely real. At least it didn’t start that way.” Joy explains Fox’s proposal and why—to protect Summer.
“Oh.I think I’m going to hit him.” Summer’s surprise shifts to a frown. “But you like him now, right?”
“I do.”
“Okay, because I’m sure about that part too. He really does like you. Please be gentle with Fox. No matter what you decide to do. Please, please don’t hurt him.”
Joy nods. “Trust me, Summer, there’s nothing in this world I’d rather not do.”
“Okay.” Summer blows out a huff of air. “That wasn’t so bad. I don’t know why I was so scared to talk to you.” She laughs. “I think I’m still going to go for a walk. Do you want to come?”
Joy glances at the empty driveway again. “No thanks. You have fun, though.” She watches Summer trek down the road alone, her ponytail swinging in time to her stride.
That was...waytoo much emotional labor to endure without a drink to get her through it. Joy tries to clear her mind, focusing on the feeling of being blank, on the sounds surrounding her: the chirping, the wind, the faint creak of metal. Just Joy and nature with a side of technology. She pulls out her phone, takes a quick picture of herself to immortalize the moment she decided to commune with a porch swing, and opens Rule of Thirds. She’ll have to post a picture to her main grid soon, lest the algorithm AI gods forsake her, making her engagement rate plummet. Her powershots, though, have been a hit.
Everyone wants to know who the grinning Silver Fox is.
She’s replying to comments when she hears a scratching sound. Joy looks around for the source and doesn’t find it, but then she hears it again, louder and more insistent this time. She places one foot on the ground to stop the swing from moving. Eyes wide and unblinking she scans the area again, slowly coming to a sitting position.
More scratching. And a crunching sound. Something rhythmically swishing through the grass. They’re not footsteps—they’re not heavy enough—but it sure as fuck isn’t the wind.
It’s an animal.
Joy’s brain goes into hyperdrive—it’s a bear or a raccoon or a fox or a coyote, because they don’t fear people at all. They’ll steal your foodandeat your pets. It’s scratching against the side of the house. It’s digging, trying to find a way in. Not in the mood to play Mother Nature with anything on four legs that isn’t a domesticated cat, Joy slides off the bench, careful not to make a sound. She lands in a crouch, backing away slowly toward the front door to go inside where it’s safe.
One brown ear flicks into view through the railing. Joy freezes, unblinking. Another ear. And then a brown face with a black muzzle.
She gasps. It’s a deer. A deer is staring at Joy and she’s staring at it and it’s staring at her. It’s watching her with those wide dark eyes, just as frozen because it wasn’t expecting to see her there either.
Joy gasps again—farther back there’s another one! This deer doesn’t notice the first one keeping an eye on Joy and calmly makes its way toward the wooded area across the gravel road. It stops to eat something on the ground, but she doesn’t think it’s grass.
They must have gone down to the lake for water.
