Page 29 of The Romantic Agenda
“Really?”
Joy snorts. “No. Now I’m messing with you. I just like winking.” She pushes her pretend glasses up her nose. “Every ace is different. Some are like Malcolm, who experience zero sexual attraction but still enjoy sex more than any human I know. Some are like me, who also don’t experience sexual attraction, but haven’t quite figured out the rest of it. And some are elsewhere. Everything in between, beyond it, and beside it.” She makes a show of creating a semicircle with her hands, like the rainbow meme. “It’s a spectrum. The more you know.”
Joy gives him time to process. People usually need it. Some canbe super rude and start bombarding her with questions, expecting her to quickly spit out answers like an internet search engine. She can only speak for herself and has vowed to always be upfront about how she felt.
“But your pictures? And your clothes? And on the boat? The dances you did... I’m confused.” Fox rests his elbow on the island and his chin in his hand. “And I’m sorry in advance because I’m somewhat sure I just fucked up somewhere. I’m not trying to be offensive.”
This is the other reason why Joy likes to wean people into telling them about her side hustle. She models clothes of all kinds including lingerie—whatevershefeels like wearing, she puts it on. The day Savage X Fenty sent her an email she damn near fainted.
Bodies are just meat suits and she happens to love hers. The way it looks in clothesandthe way it looks naked. She loves feeling her version of feminine and loves that she’s asexual. All parts of her respected and treated with equal care.
Being confident in clothing doesn’thaveto equal sexy. The way her legs look in a good pair of thigh-highs makes her giggle with delight. She routinely walks around in a flowing satin robe with feathered cuffs because it makes her feel chic. The perfect dress, the perfect pair of shorts, the perfect sweetheart neckline, the perfect pair of flannel pajamas—everything she puts on her body has to feel exactly right. Every photo she posts has to make her feel that same loving energy.
Joy isn’t evertryingto be sexy, but she knows that’s a projection and misconception she’ll always have to contend with.
“I don’t know if I like you yet,” Joy says. But she appreciates Fox being aware enough to know that he had toed the bigoted lineand apologized. “I’m going to go out on a limb and help you anyway.”
He nods, giving her his full attention.
“I know that what I consider confidence is mistaken by most for me wanting to be sexy. Being ace doesn’t mean I’m a prude or modest or celibate. It means I don’t experience sexual attraction. Point-blank, period. It has nothing to do with howIfeel about my body. Nothing to do with howIchoose to express myself. Nothing to do with me trying to attract a man or ‘trick’ people. Get past it or don’t. It’s not my problem. I’m not responsible for someone else’s arousal when everythingIdo is for myself.”
Fox sits back in his seat, processing.
She continues, “And I dance because I love it. As far as I’m concerned, shaking my ass is a competitive sport. It takes time and practice to learn how to do that, okay?”
“Okay, yeah. That makes sense. I think I get it.”
“I won’t dim my shine foranyone.”
“Not even Malcolm?”
“No. He wouldneverask me to.”
“Just one more question,” he says. “Has he ever seen you with anyone else?”
“No,” she says, taking the conversation shift in stride.
“Have you ever dated anyone since you met him?”
“No. What are you getting at?”
“You love himandyou’re in love with him. He must know that because you’re overbearingly honest, so I’m assuming you just came out and told him.”
“Was that an insult?” She narrows her eyes. “And a pun?”
“I think he knows how you feel, and I think that’s his excuse for never following through. What if he’s just used to having youall to himself? He’s assuming you’ll always be there because you always have been.”
“Hmmmm, but Iamalways going to be there for him.”
“Yes, I get it, you’re honorably devoted. The point is, hethinkshe doesn’t have to do anything else because he already has you.” Fox huffs in frustration. “He’s told Summer all about his past, and she’s unfortunately told me against my will, so Iknowhe gets around.”
Joy snorts with laughter.
“Meanwhile, he’s never had to share you with anyone else. I’m proposing that maybe it’s time for him to see how that feels.”
“Proposing,” she says, thoughtfully. “Does that mean I get a ring if I say yes?”
“Are you saying yes? I don’t want him with Summer, and you want to be with him instead. I think this’ll force him to face the truth.”
