Page 96 of The Romantic Agenda
Joy’s hands tighten around her purse strap as she watches him go. The ache in her heart continues to grow more insistent. What is he thinking? What is he feeling? He seems to be okay with Summer, so things can’t be all bad.
In the gift shop, he specifically said she could talk to him about anything, that he hates it when she shuts him out, so whywon’t he talk to her now? Is he upset about Fox? Is he mad at her? Is there anything she can do that won’t make things worse?
“You can get in,” Fox says to Summer as he crosses the street. “I’ll be right back.”
Oh no. Not this too. Their time can’t be up. Itcan’tbe.
At some point, her heart turned into a steel trap. She let Malcolm in and hardened herself to keep everyone else out. Because it was the safest thing to do.
A relationship with Malcolm was a known quantity.
But Fox. What if he changes his mind? What if he decides he can’t love her? Can she trusthimnot to hurt her? The risk of heartbreak looms over her so large, it’s overtaking everything else.
Joy waits for him to join her. She knows what she wishes she could say but that’s not what comes out. “I’ve never broken up with anyone before.” She frowns. “I don’t think I like it.”
He gives her a quizzical smile—the first one she’s seen. “Is that what this is?”
“That’s what you asked for, right? Until we go back home. Here we are. At the end. Home.”
“Hmm.”
Thathmmcracks through her sadness, making Joy grin. “I can see you thinking.”
“Because I am.”
“About?” She tries not to sound hopeful. Fox hasn’t mentioned being friends. To be fair, neither has she, but she has a feeling that’s not what either of them really wants.
Fox opens his mouth, but then closes it, shaking his head. There’s an uneasiness in his expression. “Sixty-five percent.”
Joy lets out a breathy, anxious laugh. “Until the very end, huh?”
“I guess so.” His jaw is tense, flexing. He has something hewants to say—Joy can practically feel it reaching toward her. But she can’t read his mind. She wants, no sheneedsto hear him say it. Is she not worth the risk for him?
“Well. Thank you for volunteering to be my grumpy fake boyfriend.” She can’t bring herself to say goodbye. Because if she says it, then that makes it final.
Fox opens his arms, and she steps right in as if she’s walking in the front door of her apartment—guard completely down and happy to be there. She holds him as tight as she can, face buried in her favorite hiding spot.
If Joy goes to Summer’s game night, she’ll see him again, but it won’t be the same. She wants Fox like this, with hugs and kissing and long conversations about their lives with terrible, terrible jokes shared between them.
It’s silly, but she feels like she’s been cheated. Like something has been stolen from her and she’ll never get it back. Never get another chance.
The drive home is filled with red lights and traffic—so much so that Joy decides to stop at a pet store to kill some time by buying Pepper someplease forgive Mommytreats. About an hour later, she knocks on Mrs. Norman’s door.
“Oh, Joy! Hi, baby, come here.” Mrs. Norman gives her a tight hug complete with rocking back and forth. “You’re back early; did you have a good trip? How was the weather? Was it nice? You know, we had nothing but a nasty muggy overcast here.”
“It was really great,” Joy says. “The cabin and lake were absolutely perfect. So beautiful.”
Pepper starts meowing, squeaky as ever, from somewhere deepinside the apartment, getting louder and more frantic as she gets closer.
“Oops, she done heard you,” Mrs. Norman says with a laugh. She moves out of the doorway to give Pepper a clear path. “Here she comes.”
“Hi, Pep,” Joy croons. “Did you miss me?” She scoops Pepper up, holding her in the usual position—curled up and close to Joy’s shoulder. “Thank you for watching her.”
Pepper hides her face in Joy’s braids, purring like she’s entered a motorboat contest. She’ll be like this for the rest of the day, only asking to be put down to use the litter box or eat, coming right back directly after and expecting to be picked up again like the princess she is.
“No problem. Let me go get all her stuff.”
In her apartment, Joy tries to relax by doing nothing, but after days of constantly being around people, with an agenda full of activities, it’s hard to slide back into sloth mode.
