Page 88 of The Romantic Agenda
Reluctance, Joy decides. He really didn’t want to say that.
“Yes.” Keeping it simple feels best. No qualifiers necessary.
“He loves you.”
“Yes.”
“And is in love with you.”
“No.”
“Yes.” He turns to her so quickly, so exasperated, and insistent with his furrowed brow and grumpy line between them on display. Frustration and confusion are written all over his face.
Feeling calm, albeit a little surprised, Joy caresses that small, lovely wrinkle with her thumb until it relaxes. She has an idea, a way to make him understand. There’s no fear here, no hesitation. Nothing ever stops Joy from saying what she wants to Fox.
Even if she’s repeating something he said to her while he thought she was asleep.
“I’ve known Malcolm for ten years and you’ve known him amonth, but here you are, fabulously and brilliantly grumpy, so firm in your belief that you are right, that you were willing to be my fake boyfriend to prove it.” She drops her hands to his shoulders. “Fox, you don’t see something I don’t. You’re projecting.”
“Projecting?”
Joy leans to the side, draping one arm over the back of the bench. “Sometimes you have to tell the people you love that you love them. Showing them isn’t enough.”
Fox’s eyes widen, bigger than she’s ever seen. His face is nearly slack with shock. “I didn’t ask to be attacked like this.”
“Hmm.” Joy laughs. “Malcolm and I don’t have that problem. We know we love each other. We say it and show it all the time. Our problem is that love is fucking complicated. We bother you because you think a declaration will change things for us because it could’ve changed things for you.”
“He should be in love with you,” Fox insists. “I don’t understand why he isn’t.”
“Welcome to the club, I guess.” Joy kisses the back of one of his hands and holds it to her cheek. “You know about Caroline, right? When she left him, she flat out told him that he’sin lovewith me. Malcolm denied it. Even now, he still does and he wants to be with someone who isn’t me. Right now, that’s Summer. And I have to accept that. We both do.”
Back inside, Malcolm sits on the couch alone. His gaze completely slides past Fox as if he isn’t there, settling on Joy. “Where did you go?”
“Morning walk. Not far.”
Silence descends around them with a quickness, transforming into a tense stalemate. Malcolm continues staring at Joy like he’s waiting for something. The tension is so overbearingly thick, Joy almost wishes Summer would giggle her way into the room to help diffuse the bomb sizzling in Malcolm’s eyes.
Something must have gone wrong. Inexplicably, desperately wrong.
Joy voluntarily stands between Fox and Malcolm. “I think I’m going to hang out down here for a bit.”
Fox takes the hint, God bless him, nods, and walks into the kitchen. After he places his mug in the sink, he disappears through the dining room. Joy brandishes her best smile for Malcolm. “Hey, hey.” She sits on the couch. He moves over, practically leaving a ravine of space between them.
A vague memory from last night becomes clearer in her head—when Malcolm visited her room, he didn’t lie on the bed with her. Right. He’s starting to draw boundary lines between them. Enforcing the rules his partners—Summer—asked for that’ll keep Joy at a physical distance. Accusations of emotional cheating are never far behind.
Needing to do something with her hands, Joy pulls out her phone. Scrolling will do.
“Don’t.”
Joy snaps, “So you just want to sit here in silence enjoying each other’s silent company? Or are you going to talk to me?”
“About what?”
“Yesterday, maybe? Five minutes ago? Why you’re being so weird?”
“How am I being weird?”
“Would you like a list? I could also take your picture.” Shegestures with her phone. “Your whole vibe isI’m feeling weirdenergy.”
