Page 65 of The Romantic Agenda
“If people don’t know what those reasons are, you can’t blame them when they decide to do what they want. It doesn’t mean they don’t trust you, but it does mean you’re not communicating with them.” Joy laughs, breathy and fast. “Only one person can read your mind and she’s sitting next to you. Even I’m only right eighty percent of the time.”
“It is kind of creepy how we can do that.”
“It’s not creepy. It’s practiced. We just know each other well. Too well.” She sighs. “Why didn’t you email Summer an agenda too? Why didn’t you ask for her input or help on anything? You can’t treat her the way you treat me. I know I can trust you because it’s been ten years. You’ve known her two months. You can’t jump into the deep end without doing the work first just because your endgames align, Malcolm.”
“Endgames?”
“We had a talk today. You want to get married. She wants to be married. Honestly, you two are a hop, skip, and a jump away from a marriage of convenience. If that’s what y’all want, cool. More power to you. But I don’t think it is?”
“It’s not,” he confirms with a half-smile. “I want the real thing.”
Joy loves Malcolm. She’s in love with Malcolm.
And she’s beginning to understand that her life has revolved around him for too long, because all their bubble is doing now is damaging both of them.
Joy waits for the pain to come. She waits for the longing andreluctance that will taint her every word; for the hurt to coax her into being selfish; for any opening to insert herself so he remembers that if all else fails, she’ll still be there. But this time, they’re not there.
All she feels is hope.
She hopes that this, what she has to say, is enough to help him, really help him. She hopes that he’s making the right choice for himself. And she hopes that Summer is everythinghehopes she is.
The overpowering feeling of her hope fills up every inch of her, taking over everything. It makes her want to smile and cry at the same time, but she knows if she does both it’ll only worry him.
So she smiles, and she says, “I don’t know, I’m just guessing here, but I think Summer’s willing to do the work. The least you could do is meet her halfway.”
“That’s not theleast.”
“You know what I mean.”
When Joy heads back outside, Fox hasn’t moved, but he’s alone this time. She briefly wonders about where Summer has gone as she walks down the small sloping hill.
“Did you miss me?” Joy jokes.
“Do you like hugs?”
Surprised, she stares at him, but as usual his face reveals almost nothing. “Depends. Are you offering?”
“If I am, would you say yes?”
“If I say yes, will it be any good?”
This stumps him for a second, but his grumpy frown doesn’t last, giving way to a knowing smile. It’s a good one. “Shit. You are fantastically annoying, you know that?”
Joy laughs. It feels like some of the residual weight on her chest from talking to Malcolm disappears, bubbling away. Being with Fox makes her feel better. Italwaysmakes her feel better, she realizes. Since she met him, every time she’s feeling down, there he is distracting her somehow. “I’d like that hug now, please.”
As expected, he’s warm and smells good. He holds her firmly, arms at her waist, and she rests her head on his shoulder.
“It’s okay to be sad.” His whispered words brush across her temples.
“I’m not sad.”
“You looked like you were earlier.” When he’s not whispering, the rumble of his voice vibrates through his chest.
“Gotcha.” She laughs. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Because I like you, Joy. And I’d like to see you happy.”
Joy lifts her head. This is the closest she’s ever been to him and it feels... nice. She examines his face, one feature at a time, seeing him for the dozenth time and the first time. He blinks slowly. Or maybe it just feels that way.
