Page 15 of The Romantic Agenda
What in the hell is she going to do?
The accusations in Caroline’s goodbye letter slammed into Joy’s ego like a runaway freight train because she wasn’t completely wrong. Even now, thinking about it made her stomach roil with guilt. Malcolmdidput Joy first. Not always, but enough to be noticeable. Like the time he nursed her back to health when she got the flu on the same night Caroline threw a party to celebrate her promotion at work. Or the time Joy’s Christmas flight home got canceled and he volunteered to drive with her across the state instead of spending his first couple’s holiday with Caroline. Tricky situations like that happened often. Sometimes, Joy asked. Other times, Malcolm offered. In the end, it was always at Caroline’s expense. Their intentions weren’t malicious or deceitful, even if they looked that way. Malcolm wouldn’t choose between them, so Caroline chose for him.
If Caroline was right about that, Joy thought that maybe, perhaps she was also not wrong about Joy being the spawn of Satan, sent directly from hell to ruin Caroline’s life.
Joy gasps, freezing in place, mouth hanging open while the water continues to run down her body. All at once she realizes that’s the root of her irrepressible anxiety—isn’t shepurposefullyplotting to do the same thing now? Or attempting to? As much as Joy inherently dislikes Summer by circumstance, she doesn’t deserve to have her life potentially ruined, especially not by Joy’s doing.
But giving up without trying isn’t an option either.
Joy shuts off the water and steps out of the shower. After drying off, she lugs one of her suitcases to the center of the room to find something to wear. She decides to go with a pair of high-waisted black jeans and a blue sweater crop top with short sleeves. Her makeup somehow survived both the lake and the shower, butshe removes it and goes for a more natural look—just concealer, powder, mascara—with black lipstick because she just can’t help herself. She takes a few pictures, saving them to edit so she can post her outfit of the day later.
Switching apps, she calls Grace, who answers on the second ring.
“Finally,Jesus.” Grace glares at her through the screen. “What are you doing?”
Joy laughs. If Grace had a catchphrase, that’d be it. It’s neverhi, I love you, so glad you made it there safely. It’s alwayswhat are you doing?Straight to the point and ready to jump right in.
“I just got out of the shower.” Joy explains the car ride and her brief swimming session.
“If you don’t go get a damn therapist—what were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t.” Joy begins to pace the room. “That’s why I’m calling you. I’m way more stressed out than I thought I’d be.”
“Of course you are,” Grace says kindly before sighing. “They seem nice, though. Are they?”
Joy shrugs. “So far?” She thinks of Fox in the car, changing the subject because he correctly guessed she needed it. That was definitely nice. And strangely observant.
“Summer seems a little weird but she’s probably fine. Malcolm has the oddest taste in women, I swear.” She rolls her eyes. “That’s why he’s not into you. You’re too perfect.”
Joy scoffs and plops down on the bed. “No one delivers a backhanded compliment quite like you.”
“I know, right? But I do mean it—you’re perfect to me. If you’re serious about wanting to date now, it won’t take long for someone else to see it too.”
“I never said I wanted to date in general. And I don’t want someone else to see it—”
“Iknow, you want Malcolm. Gross. I just can’t respect that choice so don’t ask me to. I won’t do it.”
“I’m not saying I’m doing this, but”—she pauses, focusing on making sure her tone sounds hypothetical and not confessional—“do you think I’d be a bad person if I told Malcolm how I feel even though Summer is here?”
Grace doesn’t answer immediately, face folding into a contemplative frown. “No. But that’s because you’re not a bad person, period. You’ve always cared about other people’s feelings too much for that. A bad person wouldn’t even have bothered to ask.”
Joy refuses to be the person Caroline thinks she is.
For one thing, her nerves and stomach can’t handle that kind of stress.
Deep down Joy always thought she never got along with Caroline because they never gave each other a chance. It doesn’t have to be that way with Summer.
If Malcolm did choose Joy, that didn’t mean Summer would disappear from his life. Malcolm’s friends always turn into her friends and vice versa anyway. Taking the time to get to know Summer, same as how she would with anyone else, wouldn’t hurt anything.
Grace continues, “That said, I really don’t think that’s something you should do or even be focusing on. Stop making your life revolve around him. You’re on vacation in a beautiful cabin with a beautiful room and lake. Act like it. Try to have a good time, okay?”
“Okay.”
“And send me lots of pictures. I want to see what Fox looks like.”
“Of course you do.” Joy laughs.
“I’ll tell you if he’s fine or if you should keep it moving.”
