Page 13 of The Romantic Agenda
Joy nearly smiles at the sight of him. He’s taken his sunglasses off and is pouting like a grumpy old man.
Malcolm mutters, “Does it look like we are?”
“Nearly.” Summer holds up the map. The path to the cabin has been highlighted in yellow and she points to a red tick mark not too far from a giant green circle near a lake. “We just passed the last marker. We’re two exits away from getting off the freeway.”
“Thanks, Summer.”
She beams at Fox—it’s literally like the sun is shining straight out of her pores. The power that she has, dear god.
Fox angles his head toward Joy. He keeps his gaze down, toward the seat, and waits for Summer to turn her attention back to the front before whispering, “You’re welcome.”
Joy blinks at him, raising one eyebrow like a question mark. Her whisper is warmer than his but just as imperceptible to anyone else. “For?”
“Changing the subject.” He slides his sunglasses back on and resumes his sleepy ruse.
Did he really think he had just helped her?
More important, how had he known she needed it? And why did he care?
Not one to look a grumpy gift horse in the mouth, Joy takes the reprieve, letting the conversation go in favor of looking out the window.
Several narrow tree-lined roads, a few worrisome cliffs, and some mountains later, Malcolm drives them into a valley with a shimmering lake at its center. He turns onto a street of charming rustic houses—a lakefront community comprised of sizeable two-story wooden cabins.
Joy inhales the clean mountain air, cheesing within an inch of her life as Malcolm parks in the gravel driveway. An array of colorful flowers borders the walkway leading up to the front door andthe spacious cabin porch even has a bench swing. On the second floor, there’s a large window nestled under a triangular arch. If that perfect east-facing window is in a bedroom, she’ll fightallof them for it. No holds barred, cage-match style.
Malcolm leans against his door, craning his head toward the back seat, catching Joy’s attention. “It’s like you said: I know you hate camping.” The proud twinkle in his eye almost sends her over the edge.
Joy’s smile falters, nearly falling away completely. Why did he have to say something and spoil it? Her almost good mood begins to unspool like a runaway bobbin rolling across the floor, because none of this is forher.
Malcolm rented that beautiful cabin for Summer.
An annoying funny feeling begins whirling in her chest, winding her up again and instantly stressing her out. How long will it take to come back down from this panic? It hasn’t lasted this long in years. Every time she thinks she’s fine, she’s back in control, something happens to remind herno, bitch, you’re still anxious as fuck.
Joy opens her door and jumps out of the Jeep, leaving her phone, purse, and everything else behind. She skips around back, tramping through the grass, rocks, and fallen leaves, ready to explore instead of helping with carrying the suitcases inside. Tall trees encircle the sides of the house, and in the backyard there’s a fire pit, a covered jacuzzi, and a hammock. Farther down, there’s a dock and a small boathouse.
She makes a beeline straight for them, running down a slight hill until she reaches the glistening lake. The dock bobs gently under her feet with each step as she walks to the end. Sunny morning rays scatter across the calm water. Warm, calm wind flutters the hem of her dress, and somewhere nearby a chorus ofducks quack as loudly as they want. There are more houses on the other side of the lake too—all evenly spaced with clusters of trees between them.
Joy sits down, taking off her boots and socks. Her feet don’t quite reach the cool water. Somehow, she’s landed herself in a picturesque nightmare. Her horror movie prediction might not have been too far off.
Discussing kids (and their future lesson plans because Summer is probably gunning to be a stay-at-home parent) is a massive step in a serious direction.I’m positive she’s into medoesn’t even come close to suggestingwe’ve talked about having kids.Not by a long shot.
Being honest, Joy still isn’t ready for kids. She isn’t sure she’lleverbe ready. Her eldest sister, Natasha, let her be in the room when her nephew was born. Caleb, in all his terrible twos glory, brought her an outrageous amount of happiness. But making the leap from World’s Best Aunt to World’s Okayest Mom scares the life out of her. There’s also the impending body horror, the medical racism, and the mortality rate for Black women specifically to think about. If she even survived pregnancy and delivery, she’d then have to deal with the costs of healthcare and childcare, the ramifications of raising a Black kid in a world that would never treat them fairly, never value their life.
There’s just so much, too much, to consider.
Malcolm, of course, would understand. She knows he would. But he might want easier. He might not want to have a million repetitive conversations to soothe her relentless anxiety.
It isn’t fair to let her fears hold him back from having the life he wants. Wanting to be with Malcolm meant accepting that future as inevitable.
Was shereallyprepared to do thatforhim?
Someone is coming—their heavy footsteps are making the dock move. Joy doesn’t turn because she knows it’s Malcolm. He always finds her.
“Here you are,” Summer chirps.
Joy reacts slowly, moving like she has a crick in her neck.You’ve got to be kidding me.
Summer invites herself to sit down, as smiley as ever. “Did Malcolm tell you it’s Fox’s birthday?”
