Page 107 of Daniil
“Just stay here with Micah so I can close my eyes for a few hours.”
“I can do that.”
“I need to be able to see you when I open my eyes,” I whisper.“If you take him out of the room…”
“I won’t.”
“Thanks.”I don’t know what else to say because things are never going to be the same between us.I’m just in too much pain to vocalize any of that.
“Go lie down,” he says softly, as if he senses my turmoil.“I’ll be right here with the baby.I won’t go anywhere.They can handle the situation with Jesper.”
“All right.”
I get up and pad into the bedroom, digging out the pills the doctor gave me.As much as I want to hold my son and never let go, I’m barely functional.Without rest, I’ll be of no use to him, and as soon as I’m able, I plan to be on the first flight back to Vegas.
Chapter43
Daniil
There’sa lot going on and I’m physically exhausted, but I couldn’t sleep now if I wanted to.Not only do I need to keep an eye on Micah so that Courtney can rest, but I’m also dealing with myriad emotions that have left me completely out of sorts.
There’s no doubt in my mind this is my fault.
Because no matter how Jesper is trying to spin it, this was personal.He chose to go after my child because it was the way to hurt me the most—to repay me for hurting him.What I did to him was shitty, and I take full responsibility for that.But I brought Jesper into the fold with me when Erik took back power.Gave him a position in Parliament as the Minister of Finance.Introduced him to Joe.Gave him a home and a family.
Things turned out well for him.He has a good life, makes a lot of money, and has direct access to the king.What more could he want?
Me, apparently.
He was fine as long as I was playing the field, but once he caught wind that I’m serious about Courtney, that changed everything.And essentially put both her and Micah in danger, something I never wanted.
I know she’s going to leave, probably without a backward glance, and I don’t blame her.I’d leave too.Our son’s safety has to come first, and it seems like she was right that I can’t really protect him.Either of them.This happened on my watch, right under my nose.A casual family outing and we were betrayed by my ex.A man I trusted implicitly.
God, the whole thing pisses me off.
But at least we never made a formal announcement about Micah’s paternity, and Courtney flat-out told Nicola Mendal that someone else was his father.If she’s going to gossip, and once this is over, she definitely will, then the word will spread that he’s not mine.As long as we can keep Jesper quiet, and my gut tells me he’s going to meet with an unfortunate accident.
The simple truth is that he knows too much.Almost all of our secrets.And I don’t trust that he wouldn’t spread that news to anyone willing to make his life easier in prison.Though Erik has the power to execute him, he’s trying to change the old ways to look merciful, so it’s going to have to be an accident.I don’t know for sure what Erik has in mind, but it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s the route he takes.
A wave of guilt hits me as I think about Charlie and Briony.They’re going to be the real victims in all of this.What the hell do we do with them?Adoption is a crap shoot—they could wind up anywhere and potentially be separated.
I don’t think I can raise them on my own and I know Courtney won’t want them.Especially given my history with their dad.I’m almost certain Joe doesn’t want the responsibility either, even though he’s been Daddy for about a year now.But he’s in his sixties and I know he never wanted children.He only agreed to this because Jesper assured him he would be their primary caretaker.
Fuck.
At some point I doze off, Micah sleeping on my shoulder, and I wake up when he does.
“Your mouth bothering you?”I ask quietly, sitting up and bouncing him.“I think Mommy has teething rings in the freezer.”I pad over to the mini fridge and sure enough, there are the rings.I hand him one and let him gnaw on it while I change his diaper.
God, he’s beautiful.
It’s going to kill me to walk away from him—from them—but it’s the best move.The safest one.The one that almost certainly guarantees that nothing like this will ever happen again.
I kiss the top of his head and hold him snug against my chest.
If this is one of the last times I’m going to hold my son, I’m going to drink it all in.The memories of the last few weeks are going to have to last a lifetime and it’s not enough.No amount of time will ever be enough, but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make so he can grow up safe and healthy.Away from the chaos of life as a royal.
I never should have gone looking for Courtney.
